He's The Worst!

It all started the other day on FetLife. I had posted something and there was a bunch of back and forth commenting on it. I may have been the first one to reference S teasingly and it continued throughout the thread. One of his many S-isms is saying "you guys are the worst!" We were all waiting for him to say it and it was suggested that his head might explode from not saying it. He eventually gave in and said it.

Was it the best idea to continually tease the person who was already planning to come over later and spank me? Maybe not, but "lacking a sense of self preservation" is on my fetish list on there for a reason. Usually tops don't remember things and we all know that they typically can't read or write. But he apparently can in fact do all of those things and planned to make me pay for my earlier brattiness. Me? Bratty? I know, ridiculous.

I was lying on the bed and he began spanking me with his hand. I have observed that his hand has hardened quite a bit since we started playing 6 or so months ago. Either that or I've gotten increasingly wussier. Anything is possible. He got one of my wooden paddles and the evil leather strap out of my toy box and set them on the bed. I looked at him with a sad face and said I hadn't been that bad. He looked at me like "really??" and continued on. I didn't try to further argue my false claim. Even I know when it's over.

He picked up the paddle and briskly spanked me with it. The swats went from moderate to harder pretty fast and I was squirming and yelling out all sorts of words that I fortunately wasn't spanked further for saying. I was not tolerating the wood very well and multiple times I'd turn to my side to keep from being struck. I definitely don't want to be accidentally hit anywhere else though so I'd quickly roll back over into position to brace myself for more.

My bottom was stinging like mad and felt like it was going to mark after this one. (Not that that's super surprising with me.) We'd been talking throughout this and near the end I said "Okay fine, YOU'RE the worst!" He laughed but wasn't distracted from his task. A top with a sense of humor is better than a top who doesn't have one, but all it really means is that they laugh while still causing you great discomfort.

The spanking ended soon after that without the strap ever being touched. That was good though because I'd felt I was at my limit and he was able to read me. I snuggled up to him as he rubbed my back and sore bottom. I felt some of the stress of the day melt away. The ending is always nice, but the main point of this story is- HE'S THE WORST! ;-)

Pinky

My friend Pinky passed away this week after a battle with cancer. The world is left short one incredible person, but heaven has gained one. Pinky was one of the first people I met in the scene and SCONY and I have nothing but fond memories of her. She was so friendly and welcoming and so much fun to be around. Always a smile on her face and a mischievous look in her eye. And rightly so as she was always up to something. ;-) She brought laughter wherever she went.

She was the original brat and any possible silliness or prank you could think up, she'd probably already done it and ten times better at that. I think she may have trademarked the term "throwing someone under the bus" because she sure was good at that. She was always willing to run you over... err... help you out. Lol. One of my first spankings was partly due to her hiding an item I was supposed to be carrying around and then got spanked for not having. And so it began!

You couldn't be around Pinky for long without laughing about something, whether it was exchanging jokes or her hilarious Hello Titty t-shirt. At this past April's SCONY weekend, I remember a bunch of us were hanging out on the porch just talking. "What's the difference between a dog and a cat?" she asked. "What?" I said. "When you call a dog it comes. When you call a cat it takes a message and gets back to you later." We all laughed and then she shared her markers so we could write something on our nametags that would get us in trouble later.

 

There is a memorial for her this weekend in NYC. For anyone in the area who knew her, you can find information about that on the SCONY group page on FetLife, along with how to make a donation in her name to the cancer foundation if you'd like to. I'll be thinking of her and all my friends out there and have all my hugs saved up for when I see you all again. Pinky had a loving spirit and I know we'll still feel it with us when we gather again in October. Rest in peace, Pinky. You will always hold a special place in the hearts of all who knew you.

Every Spanking Hurts (R.E.M. Parody)

Recently, my friend Amy let me share her awesome parody "That Top's Decision."  Now I'm revisiting R.E.M. for my take on "Everybody Hurts." It has "hurts" in the title, how could I not spankify it? Enjoy!

Every Spanking Hurts

When you're told you're wrong and his hand spanks you for so long,

When you're sure you've had enough of this top, blabbing on

Just let yourself go, feel free to roll those eyes. Every spanking hurts sometimes.

Remember this little song,

As the spanking goes along.

When your bottom's red and sore, (hold on, hold on)

Your palms resting on the floor, (hold on)

When you think you've had too much of his hand, well hang on.

Every spanking hurts as the top roasts your end.

Every spanking hurts. But so does his hand. Ha, ha. So does his hand.

If you feel you need to groan, no, no, no, you are not alone.

If you're lying o'er the pillows, the swats feel hard and strong.

When you think you've had too much of the strap, hang on.

Well, every spanking hurts, sometimes.

At least it's not your thighs. And every spanking hurts sometimes.

And every spanking hurts sometimes. So hold on, hold on.

Hold on, hold on. Hold on, hold on. Hold on, hold on. (fade)

Every spanking hurts.

You are not alone.

Insecurities

I'm sort of an insecure mess. You may have noticed. Lol. With major life changes in this past year, more of those insecurities and doubts about myself have come to the surface with a vengeance. But they certainly aren't new. These things have deep roots and can be quite difficult to shake. Throw in the complexities of TTWD and scene relationships and there's a whole new layer to deal with.

When I first discovered the spanking scene a few years ago, one of my immediate concerns involved my own body image. I was trying to grasp the idea of putting myself in the vulnerable position of being spanked by someone which was a little intimidating to begin with. On top of that, I started being haunted by my own insecurities of how I look. I'm too fat. I'm too tall. What if I can't even fit over someone's lap to have the revered OTK experience? I'm not cute enough. What if nobody wants to play with me at all?

I'd love to say I don't think about any of those things anymore, but that wouldn't be true. I do, especially in new situations and having to meet new people. But the thoughts have faded a bit. When I attended my first spanking party I saw that the people were just regular people, like me. A range of ages, sizes, and types. I didn't feel like I was on the outside looking in on a Cosmopolitan magazine. Have I wished that I was as pretty or as smart or as thin as someone else? Sometimes. But I fit in. We are all just people and I never felt judged. You're always your harshest critic, as they say.

Shyness and social issues are a whole different layer for the self conscious being that is Lea. And regular me, too. There's this quote I came across once. "People who don't know me think I'm quiet. People who do know me wish I was." Lol. That's fitting. I'm very shy around new people. I don't always know what to say and feel awkward and out of place or like I'm intruding into someone's conversation.

The average person probably assumes that someone they don't know well likes them alright or at worst is just indifferent. I tend to assume that people don't like me unless they've outwardly indicated otherwise. And who goes around saying "Hey, I really like you!" Lol. Therefore, I assume a lot of people dislike me. Or I should say, my emotional brain thinks that. Rational brain can think about it and realize that people probably are indifferent or haven't noticed me because I have never talked to them. I always joke that I'm the tallest invisible person ever. Good at blending into the background.

My one saving grace in retaining friends is that I'm at least fairly funny in my self-deprecation. A friend was talking about how someone was complaining that any time she liked a guy, he liked one of her friends and not her. I said, "Yeah, that's in my book. It's called My Life." Everyone laughed and it became a running joke that when I'd say something whiny or mopey, I'd add "that's in Chapter 5." I really need to write this book. There's a lot of material. Lol.

There are actually a lot of fairly introverted people in the spanking scene besides just me. It can be a bit of a struggle at first when two shy people are trying to have a conversation. Talk about awkward silences. I do much better online than I do in person. Thank God for the internet so we can at least get to know each other better before meeting.

In looking for compatible play partners, I've had really extensive conversations via email, IM, text, whatever. Then when we actually meet I tend to get really quiet. I am not the initiator. Would never survive as a top. (As if my hand didn't already prove that.) In a few years of doing all this, I have never gotten any better about being the one doing the asking. I hate it. For one thing, when I'm in a certain mood and headspace I love the whole chase. I want the person to come get me. Having to go to them and ask "hey, will you spank me?" kind of kills that, as silly as it may seem. Am I capable of just saying what I want? Of course. But do I want to? Not always.

Being the initiator also opens me up for rejection, which has happened, and that's never any fun. I know people say it happens to everyone and to just brush it off, but it can nag at me until I wonder what did I do or do they dislike me, blah, blah, blah. To those who usually do initiate things, bless you all. Seriously. TTWD kind of forces open the lines of communication, which is a good thing but definitely doesn't mean it's always easy.

A lot of my thinking on this topic came up recently after an unexpected and very long conversation with a friend. Various things were discussed like perceptions of how others feel about me and how my own perceptions affect how I may act towards others. It led to talk about relationships and friendships in the scene and feeling insecure about different things. How the closeness we feel with others in TTWD kind of skips preliminary steps an average friendship would take and therefore gives us a deeper bond but also leaves us more open to be hurt should things go wrong.

It was an enlightening conversation and quite an eye-opener to me personally that many of the feelings I expressed I am not alone in. I'm always amazed when someone I think is beautiful is worried about how they look, or someone who seems super popular expresses that they stress about people liking them. I'm equally amazed if I'm ever told that a person envies anything about me or my perceived relationships with others. I suppose it's a case of the grass is always greener on the other side. Everyone feels insecure and self conscious at times. Some may just not show it as much as others.

Is that Schadenfreude? I don't really enjoy that other people may feel insecure, but it does make me feel a bit more normal in my feelings about myself. I may not like everything about my body, but this is what I have. I may be shy, but once I actually talk to someone they could like me. I may never be the super popular one, but I have good friends. I might get rejected, but there are still plenty of people who do want to play with me. Perception. And if there's someone out there reading this and thinking about your own insecurities, know that you are not alone.

Last Day- Final Thoughts On Shadow Lane

Originally, I thought I'd go home Sunday afternoon. But here I was on Monday morning still in Vegas. Having a car gave me way too much flexibility. I never wanted to leave. Ron came by the room while I was the only one up to say goodbye. West Coast Hank rules! I really enjoyed meeting him and hanging out. I got ready for the day which involved the hair dryer almost catching on fire and waiting for maintenance to come install a new one. Mr. R was awake by then and had coffee for everyone, thank goodness. I packed all my things. I had told myself I'd leave by 10. It was 11. Chris and A showed up to the room. Surprise, she was still there! Lol.

Mr. R told me he was going to make me cry before I left and pulled me into the other room. We all know I would've cried in saying goodbye anyway, but I wasn't going to argue with him about technicalities right then. He had the F.E.S. in hand (Flesh Eating Strap for those fortunate enough to not be familiar). I reminded him that he'd told me he hadn't used it all weekend and he said he hadn't yet. The man always has an answer for everything. I heard the familiar words "why are your pants still up?" as I quickly took them down and went over his lap.

He pulled my panties down and spanked me with his hand while asking me about some questionable language I'd used earlier. Yes sir, we have discussed this before. No sir, I don't recall how many times I said it but I'm sure you're right. Yes sir, you did say that if we had to talk about this again it would mean soap. #%*! He told me to stand up and went to the bathroom, wetting a piece of soap and putting it in my mouth. Ugh. It was as awful as I remembered from our previous "discussion." I went back across his lap as he spanked me with the F.E.S. and I kicked and squirmed and promised to keep this all in mind before I thought about using such language again. He gave me a big hug and I went to rinse my mouth out. FYI- NOTHING gets rid of the taste of soap and drinking water just makes it worse.

Soon we all headed down to the buffet for lunch. I told myself I would leave by noon at the latest. It was almost 2 by the time we got back up to the room. I talked to Mr. R and Ms. M for a minute and thanked them for putting up with me and inviting me to stay with them throughout the weekend. I'd had such a great time. I never get out all I want to say because I start crying and it's hard to understand my crying voice. This is why I write notes. I think they were trying to keep me from falling apart, because they kept saying "It's okay, it's okay, we'll see you again in only about a month."  I hugged them both and said goodbye to Erin and Harry. A wasn't there at the moment but she'd already gotten 2 goodbyes so I wasn't going to track her down again. Lol.

It was around 2:00. I was lugging my stuff towards the elevator, wiping tears away, when I ran into Beth and Alex in the hallway. Beth asked if I was on my way out and I said I was. She said that she wished we'd had more time to talk and asked if I could stay for just a little longer to hang out, maybe an hour. She is ridiculously adorable and I don't know how anyone could say no to her. And I was a bit flattered that she even wanted to hang out with me. I said okay, I could wait a little while, and dragged my stuff down the hall into a suite full of strangers. Everyone was nice and I enjoyed talking about party experiences and stuff in general. Well, she did most of the talking. ;-)

About an hour passed and now I really needed to go. I was already worried about traffic going back the evening of Labor Day and my vision for night driving is not the best. Beth went with me down to the lobby and said goodbye. I made it to my blazing hot car that had been outside for the past 4 days and fumbled with the GPS to figure out where I was going. I was crying and it was so hot and I went the wrong way from what the GPS told me. All the while fumbling with the damn thing because it wouldn't stay stuck to the dashboard. By the time I actually got on the right freeway it was 3:45.

Crying while driving is difficult and a possibly safety hazard, just FYI. When I get on the plane, I don't have to worry about that. I only have to worry about the people sitting next to me wondering what the hell my problem is. Not counting circumstances and mood swings of late, I'm really not much of a crying person. People at spanking parties have seen me cry more than my ex had in 8 years together. Lol. It's kind of ridiculous. I think I get so emotional partly because I see these friends so rarely, but also because friendships that start in the scene can be so much deeper than vanilla friendships. When you are sharing a part of yourself that you can't with most people, how could they not be? And the people are just great, of course.

The view on the way home

I called my friend SY on the way home because I wanted to jabber to someone about all my weekend experiences. Between him being busy with something and my spotty cell service, we didn't talk long. I had a long drive to process things and try to stay awake. Crying makes me tired. Traffic wasn't terrible though and I got home in about 6 1/2 hours, about 11:00 after the time change.

One thing I was asked a lot throughout the party was if I'd played enough. Here's the thing. I never feel like I play enough. I'm kind of an addict. It's not like I live with someone who spanks me daily, so when it's time for a party I go a little nuts. Last November when I flew out for a one night spanking party for SCONY, I played 11 times in 4 hours. And twice the following day that were hard scenes. I still found myself thinking "oh I wished I'd had another scene with so-and-so." My head says "More!" when my poor bruised ass says "Bitch, are you crazy?"

Because of that, I long ago learned to not directly link playing enough with having a good time. Or I'd always end up disappointed. There is only so much time in one weekend. People only have so much energy. No matter how well I try to plan, there will always be someone or something that I don't get to. But I still have a wonderful time. With this party in particular, I had lower expectations of playing going into it because I rarely play with new people and only knew a few in attendance. And that's okay. Like so many others say, it's about the socializing and time with friends and those funny vanilla moments you remember later on that have you laughing at your desk while coworkers look at you like you've gone nuts. If it was just spanking and no connection, I wouldn't spend all my money on this sometimes expensive fetish of ours. I keep going back because of the people.

Overall, it was a great time. I got to hang out with my friends who don't come out West often. I got to meet some new friends and many lovely bloggers. I pushed my limits at trying to be a little more social. I had some new experiences. I learned I can drive on the freeway for an extended time period and not die. Would I go again? Yes, money permitting, but only if I had someone to go with. It's such a large scale party that I can't imagine going by myself. I'm far from social enough to do that and would probably end up alone in my room for 3 days. I need a talker to accompany me.

To all the new people I met, thank you for taking the time to talk to me. To my fellow bloggers in attendance, you were all as awesome as I imagined you would be. Joey, I couldn't have done it without you. Thank you for being my talker and letting me follow you around. With how many times I was asked if we were a couple, we were definitely around each other a lot. Lol. SCONY friends, I'm so glad you all decided to come. Thank you for putting up with me and all my whining. I wouldn't be me any other way, right? ;-) Only 25 more days until I see some of you again!!

Peeps And Pajamas

Icing my poor weak hand

Sunday morning of Shadow Lane came early. Once again, I was awake before 9 am without the assistance of an alarm. The first thing I noticed when waking up was my hand. It was still swollen and the bruising between all my fingers was darker and more prominent. I got ready for the day and found Joey already up in the main room with coffee for everyone. He helped me find a bucket of ice for my hand as I woke myself up. I was concerned about my hand being noticed at work because I type a lot and also instruct people on how to use equipment that involves putting things on my hands. We decided my story would be that my hand got shut in a car door. Believable with someone as clumsy as I am, right?

Everyone got up and ready and a group of us headed to the suite that was hosting Strict Dave's Spanking Court. I'd never seen one of these before but kept hearing that it was a blast. I saw Beth again and we chatted for a minute about my mangled hand. Alex was also present and told me that she'd seen me a few times now without the Peeps I was supposed to be carrying to identify myself. She said that I was being a total cocktease with the Peeps. Lol. I did have Peeps Sunday night, but didn't see her again on Sunday! Court began and I stayed about an hour into it. It was complete with judge's robe and court music by Bob the DJ. It was fun to watch with various cases about people constantly losing room keys and the appeal of racing cars down The Strip to impress the ladies in the backseat. I was happy to see that tops didn't always win. I know, right?

Some of us headed down to one of the restaurants in the Suncoast for brunch. I was surprised to see my friend A join us after I'd already said my tearful goodbye to her the night before. This wouldn't be the only time that happened as she had a weekend full of flight changes. After eating, it was time to change rooms once again. The SCONY crew vacated the presidential suite and moved to a different suite on the 10th floor. It was open to others throughout that afternoon and night. The Suncoast apparently hates T-mobile and I struggled with phone issues all weekend. As soon as I stepped outside the hotel things were fine, but within it service was sketchy. And working internet was nearly nonexistent. There was someone I was trying to meet all weekend and never did run into. Not getting my messages in time wasn't helping.

Shirt and flip flops I wore w/ pajama pants for Sunday party.

My first scene of the day was with Joey who I'd looked forward to playing with again. (He also wrote about our scenes here.) We went into the other room and assessed the damage from the prior day. I was still a bit bruised, but compared to how I normally look at a party it wasn't bad. He spanked me with his hand and also used a leather strap, leather paddle, and the new bamboo piece he'd purchased at the vendor fair. It was fairly long and thin with holes in the wood. It's quite stingy. I'm a sting over thud girl though so I found it to be a good stingy. I really enjoyed playing with Joey. He didn't go into a-hole Super Top mode or anything, lol, we would chat casually during the scenes. It was all very comfortable and just the right physical intensity. Well, as comfortable as a spanking can be. ;-)

I did play another time that evening with someone new. It reminded me why I don't tend to play with new people. I know that everyone is new at some point but usually I have a lot of conversation about what we both want and feel fairly comfortable with someone before getting to that step. With this person, we did talk a bit but I went into it quicker than I normally would. Partly because I hadn't played all that much and wanted to. My fault. There are definitely moments where even the all knowledgeable Lea still makes a bad decision. Do as I say and not as I do. Lol.

I went off to a private room with someone new when I should've stayed in the suite. Stupid. Not far into the spanking, a limit I'd expressed was clearly ignored and broken. I should've stopped it right there and said something, but I didn't. I know, I know. Stupid. I didn't feel completely unsafe like I needed to scream red and run and go tell someone about it so didn't want to cause a scene. But, it was one little thing after another that just left me feeling a bit uncomfortable. That's really the only way I know how to put it. So not my best experience there. That wrapped up and I returned to the suite.

Erica plays nice

One of the big parties that night was the pajama party being hosted by Kyle Johnson and Stevie Rose. I got dressed in my Peeps shirt, pajama pants, and Peeps flip flops. I also carried my Peeps on a stick with me. This was actually not too long after I had to bring out the Peeps on a stick to show someone in the suite because they'd never heard of Peeps. *facepalm* I die a little inside every time I encounter a poor soul who is unaware of Peeps existence. I mean seriously, how do you not know what they are?? Never walked into a grocery store at Easter time?

Moving on. Joey and I headed to the pajama party. Things weren't done being setup yet so we gathered outside of the elevator with a bunch of others who were waiting to go to the suite. As we were standing there talking, the elevator came to let some people off onto the floor and I saw Richard Windsor. I'd spotted him a few times throughout the weekend but was too shy to go say hello. Well, we were about to meet.

Imagine my surprise when he walked right over to me and said hello and asked if I was Lea. I said yes I was and asked how he recognized me and he told me someone had pointed me out in the ballroom before. We chatted for a few minutes and he seemed like a really cool guy. Really funny. There's been lots of (joking) talk on FetLife in the past about how he has a big head but his head seemed quite normal to me. He was very down to earth and it was quite nice of him to take the time to say hello.

Until she shows us how she really feels

After that surprise hallway conversation, Joey and I made our way to the pajama party. I saw Erica Scott right away and she just loved my outfit because she's so fond of Peeps. Imagine a sarcasm font there. She was kind enough to pose for a few pictures to express her excitement of Peeps on a stick. I was introduced to her boyfriend John who is a really nice guy. He and Joey talked for some time. I wandered around a bit and talked with a couple I'd met earlier who will be attending the SCONY October weekend. I met Stephanie Locke who had quite an outfit on.

The exhaustion of a few whirlwind days was setting in so I didn't stay too long. I headed back to the suite where a few of the others were also calling it a night. Joey said goodbye as he was leaving in the morning. A stopped by and was supposed to fly out early the next morning so we had another tearful goodbye. Nope, she didn't really leave that time either. I had planned to head to bed after that because crying makes me tired. Lol. But I ended up having a very long conversation and rekindling a friendship, I hope. It had me thinking about a lot of things and I felt much better about stuff afterwards. There's still one more day to go. Stay tuned!

This Hurts Me More Than It Hurts You

Saturday morning of Shadow Lane came WAY too early. I was quite annoyed all weekend that I woke up so early on my own without an alarm. Don't know what that was all about. I got up early, got showered and ready while roommate was still sleeping. I made my way through the casino to locate some coffee and a muffin. The first event of the day was the Bad Boyz Party that was being hosted in the SCONY suite by Ms. Margaret and also Miss Chris. This was for male bottoms and female tops and being neither, I made myself scarce. What? You heard I topped? Well at this point I hadn't. Hold your horses.

I took this time to muddle through working S's GPS to direct me to The Strip. It was only about 10 minutes away and I took pictures of things through the car window when I'd be stopped in traffic or at a light. Lazy tourism at it's best. I wasn't about to join those idiots walking around in the 100 degree heat! I've been to Vegas before. This was mostly to cover my bases so I had pics to prove I was indeed there if any vanilla folks got nosy. Some people think it's odd that I never have pics of all my vacations.

I had my music up loud to drown out the likely honking from drivers annoyed by the idiot with the Utah plates going 10 mph under and taking pictures. I noticed a lot of Jack in the Box locations which we don't have in Utah, but I didn't feel like going there. I was super disappointed that Vegas had no Long John Silver's though. After sufficient photographing, I headed back to the hotel just as things had ended at the party. I heard people talking about it all weekend so it was quite a success and lots of people showed up for it.

Me

People dispersed to nap and get ready for the evening. Joey went off to the Maplewood Academy. I got a chance to catch up with my friend A and hear the back story of her surprise visit. I can't remember completely if it was Saturday or sometime Friday, but there was a point where I was getting on to an elevator and saw Alex Reynolds already on it. This was one time I pushed my silent observation of recognizing people aside and said "Hi! You're Alex! I'm Lea!" and we hugged hello. She introduced me to her friend Heather Green who was with her. They were on their way to something but I'd see more of her later on.

I got ready for the Saturday night dinner/dance. I felt very self conscious in a very short dress but Joey was really sweet and complimented everyone on how we looked. I headed to the ballroom with him to find a table for our group. This is when the stockings I was wearing started to drive me crazy. I hadn't wanted to mess with the whole garter thing, so just had them on by themselves. But they would NOT stay in place and I had to tug at them constantly. By the time we got into the ballroom, I gave up. I took them off at the table and asked Harry to keep them in his pocket. Lol.

Everyone gathered for dinner and looked fabulous. They had a nice buffet for everybody. Joey commented at the table that if you didn't know any better, the room looked like it could've been a rotary club meeting, which was so true. Erica Scott came over to chat with me and Joey for a few minutes. She asked how we were enjoying the party. She's a real sweetheart and it was very nice of her to take the time to talk with some SL newbies. After dinner wrapped up, some people started in on the dancing. I don't dance so headed back up to the suite before the parties were going to start.

I'd only played once in 2 days so far, which was crazy for me. That was about to be remedied. Joey and I played for the first time. He'd told me in advance to set out 4 implements I wanted used. I'd brought a few from home, not knowing if any would be needed. I was just excited that I didn't have to deal with the TSA so packed whatever I felt like. Lol. I set out my leather paddle, Stringman wooden paddle, Angelmaker strap, and rattan cane.

We went into the bedroom and I pulled my dress up and bent over the bed. He started off spanking me with his hand and I was surprised how hard his hand was. It would've been quite sufficient on it's own but we still cycled through all the implements. This is when he saw my remarkable marking abilities firsthand. Not long into using the paddles, he commented that I was already getting some bruises and he couldn't believe how fast that happened. I'm used to it and accept it as an inevitability of being spanked at this point, but he was good about continuing to check in on how I was doing. My bottom had definitely reddened and was stinging, but I was just fine. He finished with the cane and in the last stroke, the tip of it broke off and flew across the room. Ah well, good thing they're only $10.

It was a good scene and left me feeling well spanked. Joey was a gentleman as always and a very good top. I looked forward to playing again. We hugged and returned to the party. Various people came in throughout the night. I wandered around and tried to socialize, as much as one who doesn't talk to many people can socialize. Lol. Ms. M had the area decorated very nicely. There were flameless candles on all the tables and these really long stemmed artificial flowers. At one point, Mr. R was swinging one around and I made a comment like, "Really? It's just a flower. Is that all you got?" For anyone new to spankoland, that could be interpreted as a challenge.

He pulled me into the other room to show me what "just a flower" felt like. He raised my dress and smacked me with it a few times and it STUNG! Almost a cane like effect. I should never doubt him because the man could probably make a feather hurt. I agreed that apparently it wasn't just a flower and he had tried to warn me. Yes, I never listen. Ms. M also spanked me once that night and tested out her new Miguel paddle. My review was it's as stingy as the other one she has. They are beautiful paddles though, if I'd had some extra cash I would've bought one at the vendor fair.

Joey and I decided to venture around to one of the other parties for a bit. We went to Dr. Lectr and Ten's suite which had open parties just about every night with various themes. I believe Saturday was a 50's theme, but I didn't change from what I was wearing earlier. There were a lot of people in their suite. I saw Erica and Spankcake and met Dr. Lectr. He and Joey had a conversation about marathon running. I met Tony Trystero, one of my friends on FetLife who I'd never met before. He was really nice and we talked for a few minutes. He actually knew where Utah was!

Another person came over and introduced himself, Vince. He said I was beautiful so I was pretty much already putty. Lol. He observed that my nametag had "sub" marked and I said that I was a bottom, but the nametags didn't have top and bottom as options, only Dom and sub. I actually thought that was strange the whole weekend since spanking events usually differentiate those labels. "Sub" makes some people wonder if I belong to someone, which I do not, and which is what he was clarifying. We chatted a bit about what makes us tick and the conversation led to the subject of switching and the perspective one can get by trying the other side.

I've always been pretty adamant about being a bottom only and don't feel I have the headspace for topping. I've actually been asked a lot of times if I'm a top or Domme. I think it's the height. So on principle, I always say no. But I was feeling comfortable in talking with him and oh, did I mention he was really cute? Haha. I figured what the hell, I'll give it a try. We left and went to his room and played out a scenario he had in mind. I'm not going into the details of it, but it was an interesting experience. Don't know that I'd do it again. I felt a bit silly in trying to think of things to say, but I've heard enough tops spew crap at me that I just repeated some of that. :-D

My poor messed up hand

I could not believe how much my hand hurt. I could already feel that it was going to bruise and my arm was really sore. I hadn't been spanking all that hard, but I'm apparently a weaker top than I am a bottom, and that's saying something. "This hurts me more than it hurts you" was definitely true in this case. I went back to the SCONY suite and they thought I was exaggerating by icing my hand until they saw it. It was sore and swollen and by the next day you could see bruising in between all my fingers. We'd talked about possibly playing again but I didn't see him around for the rest of the trip. And with the state of my hand, I don't think I would've wanted to do more anyhow.

So to all my bottom friends, I have not abandoned you! I am still definitely a bottom. Topping is so not my calling. But it was an interesting experience. I certainly didn't expect that my hand would be the most marked part of me after the weekend. That about wraps up Saturday. I iced my hand for a while and went to bed not too much longer after that. I don't know how some of the people at these events just hop from party to party until 6 in the morning. I can't do it. I felt exhausted each and every day. Oh, the things we do for kink.

Vegas, Baby!

Taken on the drive south

I am back home from my first Shadow Lane party and I am exhausted. But I want to get some of my thoughts down before I forget any of the little details. Friday morning I woke up at 4:45 and was in the car and on my way by 5:30. I discovered that half my neighborhood is apparently closed off from construction at that ungodly hour, so had quite a detour to get to the freeway. S, bless his heart, had loaned me his GPS so I didn't have to be as nervous going to Vegas alone.

The drive went pretty smoothly as much as I'd worried about it. It was really long and boring though being by myself, and my legs were achy from being in driving position in such a little car for so many hours. There was this jackass in a Ford Explorer that I kept coming across for several hours. He would constantly drive in the left lane going exactly 75 blocking you so you couldn't easily pass.

I was about 4 hours in before this freak thunderstorm hit. It had been pretty sunny all day and then all of a sudden there's thunder and lightning. Then it started pouring rain like crazy to the point I could hardly see anything and needed to pull over. But by the time the next exit came up, it just all stopped. Thank God. But that was the scariest 5 minutes of my drive. I only had to stop once for gas and after driving on pretty much one road for 400 miles, I went the wrong way as soon as the GPS directed me to do something. But it didn't take too long to get turned around and I made it to the hotel in a little over 6 hours. Faster than I'd expected.

I lugged my bags across the gross smoky casino floor and located the hotel room. I was greeted by Ms. Margaret, Mr. Ryder, and Erin, my SCONY pals. Harry from CA and Vegas Chris were also there. They were about to head out to do some shopping and leave me to rest, but not before Mr. R overheard some supposedly bratty comment I made. The force of his glare pushed me into the other room and he pulled me over his lap, giving me a few swats to welcome me to Vegas. So nice of him. I got a big hug (my favorite part!) and they went on their way.

Before I got a chance to lie down, Joey and B had arrived and were knocking on the door. We all excitedly greeted each other and talked about our morning travels. The nap wasn't meant to be, they never are. Once I get to a party I hate to waste much time sleeping. I want to talk to everyone! Soon enough the rest of the crowd was back and about to change rooms to the big presidential suite for Friday and Saturday. B let me use her room to change and I headed to the newbie party with her and Joey, meeting Miss Rose on the way. We also chatted with two women near the elevators I presumed to be with the Northern Spanking crew based on their accents. One of them said I had a beautiful smile which made me blush.

Rice Krispie Peep!

We headed into the newbie party being hosted by ColoDom and spank4fun. I can't remember everybody's names but I met quite a few people. B knew a few from Texas including Princess Kelley. I met Bob the DJ and Kitty, the maker of several paddles in my collection. Stacy and Strict Dave who runs the spanking court event talked to me for a few minutes. Everyone was really nice. TB from Hawaii, another SCONY friend, arrived and we chatted a bit. Things got a bit crowded and hot and we headed out.

I got a surprising text from my friend A asking where I was which tipped me off that she had shown up out of the blue. I had not been expecting to see her on this trip and nearly tackled her with a hug when we found each other. And she brought me a Rice Krispie Peep which is one of the coolest things I've ever seen! My friends are awesome. And this now made 7 SCONY friends present which filled me with glee. It's not often they come towards my side of the country. I got ready for the vendor fair that evening and headed down to help with the SCONY table. I'm not sure how I, the non New Yorker, ended up answering questions to people passing by, but I hope I gave accurate information. Lol.

I recognized all sorts of people around the vendor fair from spanking video people to faces I recognized from FetLife and bloggers. This continued to be my issue all weekend though, because I feel really shy and silly just popping in and interrupting somebody's conversation to say hello. Doesn't that seem creepy? "Oh hi, you're so-and-so, I'm some stranger off the internet you don't know." Lol. So there were a lot of people I never met even though I noticed them there.

Fortunately, Joey is a talker and much more social than me so if I tagged along with him I got inadvertently introduced. We met Erica Scott and Beth who were as awesome in person as I'd expected from our online interactions. I also met SpankCake who was super cool and also attending her first Shadow Lane. These were some of the top people on my list I'd hoped to run into over the course of the weekend, so already seeing them on Friday was great. Someone really needs to organize a bloggers party next time around!

As a birthday gift, Joey got me a copy of Cassandra Park's book "It's Supposed To Hurt- Volume II" and I met Cassandra who signed it for me. She was really nice. I also briefly met her husband Radagast who was at the table with her. I enjoy reading the posts in his Fetlife group and am a frequent commenter, but once again shyness won out and I didn't tell him any of that or explain who I was. I went back to the suite and got ready for the night's party. The suite had to be at least twice the size of my whole apartment. There were even phones in the bathrooms. Fancy!

It had been set up SCONY style with the privacy cubicles throughout the suite. God, how I missed the privacy cubicles. I hate, hate, hate playing in front of people. It makes me super uncomfortable. I seem to be a rarity in the scene because of that preference, but I'm happy I can be accommodated somewhere. Ms. M gets it. Throughout the night, various people filtered in and out of the room. I got to talk more with SpankCake and met some California people. Also a couple who will be coming to the SCONY October weekend.

I played once that night with Mr. R. My birthday had been the Friday before and though some had promised to keep their mouth shut reminding others about it, he still remembered. He took me back into one of the cubicles and I went across his lap on the couch. He asked me if I'd turned 139 and I said no, 27. He still thought it was 139. He pushed up my skirt and pulled my panties down and spanked me in time to him singing happy birthday. I was distracted by his lovely singing voice and didn't know I was supposed to be counting so we did it twice. We hugged and returned to the party.

Overall, it was a whirlwind of a first day. So many faces, so much driving, so little sleep. I was already having a blast getting a rare chance to hang out with some of my friends and enjoyed meeting some new ones. I was so tired though and finally got to bed. Much more to come!