Tolerance- Fantasy vs Reality

There are times when I really crave a spanking. Yeah I'm a spanko, so that's not all that surprising. But there are those times when I crave it even more and want something intense. This past week was one of those times. I'd been tired, stressed out, annoyed with work and a variety of other things. I wanted a long hard spanking. One that could relieve my stress. Give me something else to focus on for a moment and free my mind. Give up control to someone I trust implicitly. Get me to the point of having that emotional release.

My head forms these scenarios quite well. I could imagine myself sitting on the edge of the bed, nervously waiting. He enters and tells me to undress and get in position for my spanking. I lie on the bed as he murmurs soft comforting words. This is happening because I need it and it's going to be challenging. Letting go is always challenging but it will be physically as well. I'm startled by the first few swats from his hand to my waiting bottom. As it continues I start to relax into it. The intensity picks up and his hand comes down harder and harder with each smack.

He pauses and rubs my reddening cheeks. I know this is a prelude to the more difficult parts to come. I try to keep my body relaxed, my mind only focused on what is happening right now. Butterflies stir in my stomach as I hear his belt unbuckle and slide through the loops. The belt whips against me over and over, biting into my flesh in quick succession. It takes my breath away and I will myself to stay in position. His hand rests on my back and I turn towards him with a nod to continue.

The belting goes on at a fast pace but the sensation starts to blur a bit. My bottom stings terribly and is emanating heat. It hurts but I'm not completely focused on it hurting. I can feel the tension leaving me as my mind becomes more relaxed. I don't notice the few tears that left my eyes until he is there next to me, wiping them away. The spanking has stopped. He caresses my sore bottom and pulls me close to him. I cuddle up to him laying my head on his chest. And in that moment everything is right.

Ha! Only in fantasy will I ever be that stoic. Here is what actually happened. I made several less than subtle comments throughout the night about how I hadn't been spanked yet. S is a nice guy and helped remedy the problem even though it had gotten really, really late. I lied on the bed and he started spanking me with his hand. I was already feeling a little sensitive before he even switched to the leather paddle. That was extremely stingy to me at the moment and had me squirming all over.

After that covered all areas, he grabbed my dense wooden paddle. It gives much more thud than sting which can be harder for me to handle at times. This was one of those times. With each swat I nearly jumped from the bed. I was wiggling a lot and he wrapped his other arm around my waist to keep me there as he continued to paddle me. He knew I'd been wanting a harder spanking but he's also very good at reading my body language and interpreting my squeals to know when I can't take any more. He ended it not too long after that. I did get to cuddle.

He called it at the right time. I wasn't pushed too far. The spanking was just fine but it didn't go how I'd wanted it to. I was really annoyed with myself. Why do I have to be such a wuss? I had been craving it all week and then I couldn't even handle it. Why does my tolerance vary so much from time to time and what causes that? It's so frustrating! If only life could play out like the fantasy sometimes. I'm interested to hear if this is a common thing. Have you experienced a changing tolerance? If so, what do you think may cause that and how do you deal with it?