30 Things You Don't Want To Hear At A Spanking Party

I always send out a 30 day countdown leading up to the SCONY mountain weekend. The theme for it this year was things you don't want to hear at a spanking party. Some you may have personally heard before. Feel free to share that story. :-) Enjoy!

30 Things You Don't Want To Hear At A Spanking Party

30. Oops!

I'm sure this will end well.

29. I've never done this before, but how hard can it be?

Spanking needs skill? Fuggedaboutit.

28. Nice sandals. When is the last time you ever cut your toenails?

When over your lap, we notice your feet. Just sayin'.

27. SPIDER!!

Self explanatory.

26. I can't find Jayson!

It's never good if we lose the manager of our party location.

25. What rules? What website?

You mean there are rules and protocols to understand and I can't just sign up last minute, show up, and expect complete strangers to play with me? Pfft.

24. Has anyone ever thrown up on you from anxiety before?

I actually posed this question to a top before my first spanking party. I was nervous! He said no, but if it happened he'd deal with it.

23. I hear a lot of percussion at this party but no singing yet. This IS the Singing Club of New York, right??

Oh we sing. In our own screaming melody. >:)

22. I don't want to alarm you but there is something wrong with your butt. It's got a crack in it. Hah!

We've heard ALL the jokes. Really.

21. What do you mean by "consent?"

Think back to your kindergarten days. Don't touch what isn't yours.

20. I'm on a bean and cabbage diet.

'Nuff said.

19. Can you wrap this up soon? I have play planned with Top XYZ in a few minutes.

Don't be a buzzkill and give yourself enough time if agreeing to play.

18. We regret to inform you that there is a statewide champagne shortage so we can't make any Mimosas.

Because Mimosas.

17. Where are the kidneys again?

Maybe a basic anatomy diagram should be included with party materials.

16. You're not a top? I bet I could make you want to top me.

Bet you couldn't!

15. Just so you know, there IS indoor plumbing here. Showers and everything.

Shower.

14. I don't know the words to the Alma Mater!

Shh. Just mouth "watermelon" when the rest of us sing.

13. Is that blood?

I sure hope not!

12. Oh, I hope it's okay that I don't have any feeling in my hand... little accident years back.

Hmm... as long as you have some leather and not just wood I think we can work it out.

11. Don't worry, the doctor said it's not contagious anymore.

Do you have that in a written doctor's note?

10. Yes, I'll play with you. But first I'll need you to sign here, here, here, and here. Actually, we'll have to play tomorrow. It's too late to get this to a notary tonight. Where are you going?

The Over-negotiator. Don't we love them?

9. Limits and preferences? I thought you were supposed to be a sub.

Maybe we should revisit #16 because I'm more in the mood to hit you now.

8. It's time to introduce you to the FES.

That's the Flesh Eating Strap for any who haven't had the pleasure.

7. There's been a mix up and rooms are overbooked. It's alright, we'll set you up with a sleeping bag in Room 10.

A reference to a room reserved for discipline throughout the weekend. Some probably wouldn't mind. ;-)

6. We regret to inform you that the spanking party has been canceled due to good behavior.

An unlikely story.

5. Hi, I'm Tom Ryder

Author's Note: He's a great man with a wonderful sense of humor so surely didn't mind this joke. Um, yeah.

4. When does the swinging portion of the party start?

A few of us have met the "when do we pair off for sex?" guy. I'm glad it was just once.

3. What do you mean you don't wear a belt??

I personally find this very upsetting as it's one of my favorite implements.

2. Is that a paddle in your pocket or are you just happy to see me?

Take it as a compliment that I said paddle and not cane.

1. You may think you're into spanking, but it's really just a gateway, man.

Oh of course. What kind of weirdos like "just" spanking?

That's the close of the spring countdown! If you have any good ideas for a theme for my fall weekend, please share!