Saturday, October 26, 2013

Lea-To-English Dictionary

(Cross-posted from my Fetlife writings)

Okay, so direct communication about what I want is not my strong suit. Actually, it's not really in my closet at all. I'm not good at asking for what I want or initiating anything from romantic encounters to scenes I'd like to have. Those things are unlikely to change. But what can change is people learning to fucking read between the lines already! I have written this Lea-to-English dictionary to assist in translation.

Lea: "Hi."
English: a. "Hi." (Sometimes it is just a hello.) b. "Hi. I want a spanking."

Lea: "What are your plans tonight?"
English: "I am free. Are you going to fucking ask me to play already or what?"

Lea: "I'm hungry."
English: "After I find sustenance, I'd really like a spanking later."

Lea: "I'm tired."
English: "I'm tired."

Lea: "You're a jerkface."
English: a. "You really ARE a jerkface.'' b. "I think you're cute and you should spank me." c. a and b combined

(In response to being asked if I've played at the party)
Lea: "A little bit."
English: "I want more spankings."

(In response to being asked what I like to do at the party)
Lea: "I'm a spanko."
English: "Spank me already!"

Lea: "That toy looks mean."
English: "Smack me with it so I can form an accurate opinion."

Lea: "No."
English: "Get the fuck away from me."

Lea: "A little more."
English: "Push me to the edge, baby."

There. Are we all on the same page now? Was it that difficult? I'm just a girl, standing in front of a boy, asking him to spank me. Yeah, I sort of quoted Notting Hill. I should be spanked for that.

Thursday, October 10, 2013

30 Sayings From The Mouths Of Tops

For the past month, I've been counting down the days until the SCONY weekend with all my friends. The theme of the countdown this time was "30 Sayings From The Mouths Of Tops." It is a collection of quotes many of us have heard come from a top's mouth. My smart ass commentary to their sayings will be in parentheses next to it. :-D Enjoy!

30 Sayings From The Mouths Of Tops
30. "Why are we here?" (The poor dears have terrible memories. Be nice to them!)

29. "(fill in the blank) is banned." (Um, what is this, 1984?)
28. "I'm waiting..." (Patience is a virtue. Just sayin'.)
27. "Yeaaaah!" (Yeaaaah you heard right. It's somebody's birthday! Happy birthday Mr. Grumpypants!)

26. "Come here, NOW." (Maybe we can make a patience potion in class? You people really have a problem.)

25. "Go in the other room and wait for me." (Now WE are expected to wait? Typical double standard!)

24. "Um, no." (Probably his first words! Must've been very disagreeable as a baby.)
23. "So what did I miss??" (Typing and reading comprehension classes, apparently.)

22. "Mm hmm." (How can one say so little and still say so much?)
21. "That's so funny." (What is? How chipmunks and other woodland creatures travel faster than your van down I-80?)
20. "Helloooo dollface!" (I think I just threw up in my mouth a little.)
19. "Really???" (Yes, really! K is an angel and it is her birthday. Let's help her shine her halo!)
18. "je vais t'apprendre a compter en francais, ma chere"  which means "I will teach you how to count in French, my dear." (I got the translation from a certain Cuh-naw-dian so if I just said something bad, it's her fault!)

17. "I'm right here!" (If you didn't wander around so stealthily you wouldn't need to announce it.)
16. "What did I just tell you?!" (How should I know? Obviously I wasn't listening.)

15. "We have something to discuss." (Your discussions involve surprisingly little talking. Would you like a dictionary to clarify what "discuss" means?)
Forced sort of retraction thingy due to an overthinking top- Certain lawyers have pointed out other definitions of "discuss" under the category of civil law. A. To collect a debt from (the person primarily liable) before proceeding against the person secondarily liable. B. To execute against the movable property of (a debtor) before proceeding against the debtor's immovable property, as land.

14. "Whatevuh." (When we say it it's seen as flippant and dismissive, but you get to say it? Whatevuh.)

13. "What does lying get?" (Friends? Job promotions? A sharp mind with a good memory?)

12. "There's no fair in SCONY." (And in other news, Captain Obvious has discovered that water is wet.)

11. "It is what it is." (But what is "it," really? One of life's great unanswered questions.)

10. "I can't believe you're STILL bratting me!" (I wonder how many times a certain birthday girl with a penchant for books has heard this one.)

9. "What are those still doing up?" (Well we JUST walked in here! Really need to work on that patience potion...)

8. "You're going to count out loud and if you miss one we start over." (Is this a spanking or a neurological exam? Do I have to count backwards by sevens next?)

7. "Whaddaya kiddin' me with that?" (No, I'm not kidding. The words "never ever" end in r's, not h's. I promise!)

6. "It won't help, but it can't hurt either." (I'm getting the feeling that it could end up hurting a LOT.)

5. "Do you understand me?" (No. What language are you speaking? Klingon?)

4. "You just do that and let me know how it works out for you." (This seems like a trap.)

3. "Yes, what???" (Yes, LordSirMasterJerkface?)

2. "You don't talk when my lips are moving!" (So you're saying I can never speak?)

1. "You have a death wish." (Ya think? I've only been goading you all for the past 30 days!)

That's my list! There were a lot of birthdays this past month. I wonder how that will work out for those folks at the weekend. By the time you are reading this I should have arrived in NYC and be on my way. See ya next week! And to all the tops out there, just remember that imitation is the sincerest form of flattery! :-D

Monday, October 7, 2013

Three More Days!

The SCONY Mountain Weekend will be here before I know it! And I am so not ready! I hate packing. HATE IT. It seems like I always forget something. I'm coming up with a list and starting to pack today so if something is missing I still have time to go get it.

What does one need for a spanking weekend vacation? 

Panties, panties, and more panties. Check.

You can give many different messages with your panties.
More clothes and shoes than I'll possibly wear in a five day time frame. Check.

Harry Potter costume? Nope. I'm sure those dressing up will look great as always though.

Lotion to keep my bottom in good spanking shape. Check.


Notebook to jot down all the memories. Check.

Swimsuit for the hot tub (if it's not too damn cold outside). Check.


I will have to leave enough room to bring back some Peeps.

My suitcase isn't quite ready but I am more than ready for a vacation. Good friends, good times, good girl spankings! (Hey, why are you laughing?) Karaoke, watching Days of our Lives with Regan, Peep roast! Spankings, spankings, and more spankings! Three more days and I'll be headed to a different set of mountains.