That Tricky Label Thing

This is cross-posted from my FetLife page after some recent musings about the labels we use in TTWD.

Welcome to Fetlife! Now set up this profile!

Gender- Female (I realize that this very first option is just as difficult as the rest of these for some.)

Sexual Orientation- Straight. Usually. Straight but sometimes enjoying female fun with the right
female? Heteroflexible. Is that what that means? Urban Dictionary is down. Shit. Fluctuating/Evolving? That leaves too big of a question mark. I'll just go with straight.

Role- Administrative secretary. Oh, this means role in a scene. This one is easy. Bottom. What are the other options? I'm definitely not a Domme. I don't top anyone so switch wouldn't apply. Unless that counts in the bedroom where I sometimes enjoy being in control. Hmm. Masochist? Hell no! I'm a pain wuss. But does it only mean in the physical sense? I have stayed in a job I hate for 9 years.

Submissive or slave? Ehh... With certain people those traits are stronger. I don't want to open the door to the "Oh you're a sub? Then do as I say!" Domly Dom internet strangers. kajira/kajirus? Fucking Urban Dictionary is still down. Brat? Sometimes. Primal? I don't like steak. Vanilla? Only with chocolate syrup added. Fetishist, yes. Kinkster, yes. Let's go back to bottom.

How Active Are You- This is getting kind of personal, isn't it? I mean yeah, I spend a lot of time on the couch. But who doesn't enjoy marathoning seasons of their current obsession on Netflix? I Live The Lifestyle When I Can. Sure, that can apply to exercise and to kink.

Looking For- Someone to play with, check. Friendship, check. Events, check. A relationship? Maybe if the right person came along. But is advertising that opening the door to more douchebaggery in my inbox? Let's skip that. A Master? Mentor? Ehh. Same as above.

Location- I'm not in a tiny town where I'm concerned that internet creepers could stalk me so will go with my actual city.

Age- Still young enough not to lie about it.

Done! Wait, now I have to write about myself? I suck at that! Okay, think. A short summary that will catch the attention of those whose attention I want to catch. Not many people read these things so short is key. Can I tell everything somewhat interesting and/or important about myself in 4 paragraphs? Of course not. But I need to move on to the next section.

Relationships In- There aren't many so that's easy. And throw Peeps in a few times because I find it funny. Done. Websites- Included the blog address. Upload a new picture- About 100 of my ass and 1 of my breasts for good measure.
I'm finished!

Well, not really. That was just a basic setup of a Fetlife profile. We've all had to fit ourselves into labels for our entire lives. Pick an orientation, a political party, a college major, a career title, a religion. Don't have one? You'll be given one. Now you're an atheist and probably an asshole about it. Pick up your T-shirt at the next meeting. http://www.pinterest.com/pin/572590540096928380/

Relationship status? That's a deep pool to swim in. If you don't fit the M/F monogamous relationship mold then get used to over-explaining those dynamics for the rest of your life. Even if you do fit that, someone is bound to stick their nose in your business of what you do in your bedroom and why.

Role in the kink scene? That's a tricky one. You may play different roles with different people. This is something I contemplate a lot and got me thinking about this whole subject of labels. From the beginning of becoming involved in the scene I was firm about saying I'm a bottom. Just a bottom. Bottom vs submissive was a label struggle that only really existed in my own mind.

Why? Partly because I don't like the negative stereotypes that too often come with the label of submissive, and even slave. That it means you can't think for yourself so need someone to tell you what to do. That you're weak or less than. Do I think those things are true? Absolutely not. I know many very strong people in the community and in life who identify as an s type. So why do I even care what the naysayers think about it?

A friend recently asked me how I felt about being in service to someone. I replied that I'm not sure I completely know what that even means. What I got from the ensuing conversation is that it means whatever you want it to mean. If you poll 10 kinky people about the definition of just about anything, you are likely to get 10 different definitions back. None are particularly right or wrong except to those individuals.

I understand the purpose of having labels. They can help narrow things down from a zillion options. But most of us don't fit into one box. And that's perfectly fine. I still have more questions than answers. Do I always know what to call myself? No. I can explain it but it may take a while. I do know how I feel and who I love. I know who/what they are to me and who/what I am to them. That's the part that I think matters. Labels are for soup cans, after all.

Why Bother If There's No Sex?

I know that my blog has a somewhat different audience than those I interact with regularly on FetLife so I'm cross-posting this. 

Recently this post by @munchkin went K&P: What "no sex" doesn't mean

The basic idea I got from it was not that spanking + sex is wrong in any way, but that people who agree to limits in advance should stick to those and not to try and sneak something in during or afterwards. I agree wholeheartedly. I didn't want to hijack her post so am putting some of my thoughts here that were brought up from reading it and the comments.

Comments to the effect of "silly women thinking they can dangle a piece of meat in front of a dog's mouth and not get bitten." Oh silly me! When I negotiated for a spanking I really wanted to be sexually assaulted, right? Comments suggesting that one should reconsider participating in an arousing act with someone they don't want responding in an aroused manner, because spanking is always sexual for everyone, yes?

Sigh. If you want spanking mixed with sex, cool. If you like to keep the two completely separate, cool. If spanking isn't even on your fetish list, cool. The "is spanking sexual" debate comes up over and over and over and OVER again. I'm in the "it depends" camp. What starts to bug me is when people talk in absolutes. The comments of "why would you even bother if there's no sex?" That is what I'll address here.

Why bother with spanking? Here are some reasons, speaking only for myself.

-Because I'm a spanko
-Because it fulfills a desire/need that has been with me my entire life
-Power exchange
-Stress relief
-Emotional release
-Discipline
-Birthdays!
-Because it's just a lot of fun!
-Bonding with a top/partner
-Fantasy exploration and fulfillment

Can it be hot? Hell yes! Some of my greatest orgasms have followed a good spanking. But for me, it doesn't have to be a means to an end. It's a main course. It satisfies me, sometimes physically, but more times emotionally and psychologically. The bond between play partners is just fucking awesome. It's a special connection. It can be hard to describe. It doesn't have to be about the sexual energy. (But if that's there too, cool!)

I'd imagine others into rope play or wax play or fill in the blank may be able to relate to some of the above things, even if spanking is not their great love. These are my own reasons. I know what works for me. You know what works for you. You don't have to like what I like and vice versa. That's why there's negotiation. If someone doesn't enjoy spanking then I wouldn't even want to play with them. If I've gotta have a, b, and c, and you only like x, y, and z then we aren't compatible play partners. And that's okay.

I've got a popular ass and plenty more people I can go see. No need to vilify each other for what we want. So is spanking sexual? Yes? No? Let's agree to disagree. I hope that maybe this can give some perspective to those who wonder "why bother?" If they're still scratching their heads, that's okay. I don't need to convince you that you should like what I like. But don't tell me that I'm doing it wrong because we see things differently. I am the one who knows what works for me.

30 Things You Don't Want To Hear At A Spanking Party

I always send out a 30 day countdown leading up to the SCONY mountain weekend. The theme for it this year was things you don't want to hear at a spanking party. Some you may have personally heard before. Feel free to share that story. :-) Enjoy!

30 Things You Don't Want To Hear At A Spanking Party

30. Oops!

I'm sure this will end well.

29. I've never done this before, but how hard can it be?

Spanking needs skill? Fuggedaboutit.

28. Nice sandals. When is the last time you ever cut your toenails?

When over your lap, we notice your feet. Just sayin'.

27. SPIDER!!

Self explanatory.

26. I can't find Jayson!

It's never good if we lose the manager of our party location.

25. What rules? What website?

You mean there are rules and protocols to understand and I can't just sign up last minute, show up, and expect complete strangers to play with me? Pfft.

24. Has anyone ever thrown up on you from anxiety before?

I actually posed this question to a top before my first spanking party. I was nervous! He said no, but if it happened he'd deal with it.

23. I hear a lot of percussion at this party but no singing yet. This IS the Singing Club of New York, right??

Oh we sing. In our own screaming melody. >:)

22. I don't want to alarm you but there is something wrong with your butt. It's got a crack in it. Hah!

We've heard ALL the jokes. Really.

21. What do you mean by "consent?"

Think back to your kindergarten days. Don't touch what isn't yours.

20. I'm on a bean and cabbage diet.

'Nuff said.

19. Can you wrap this up soon? I have play planned with Top XYZ in a few minutes.

Don't be a buzzkill and give yourself enough time if agreeing to play.

18. We regret to inform you that there is a statewide champagne shortage so we can't make any Mimosas.

Because Mimosas.

17. Where are the kidneys again?

Maybe a basic anatomy diagram should be included with party materials.

16. You're not a top? I bet I could make you want to top me.

Bet you couldn't!

15. Just so you know, there IS indoor plumbing here. Showers and everything.

Shower.

14. I don't know the words to the Alma Mater!

Shh. Just mouth "watermelon" when the rest of us sing.

13. Is that blood?

I sure hope not!

12. Oh, I hope it's okay that I don't have any feeling in my hand... little accident years back.

Hmm... as long as you have some leather and not just wood I think we can work it out.

11. Don't worry, the doctor said it's not contagious anymore.

Do you have that in a written doctor's note?

10. Yes, I'll play with you. But first I'll need you to sign here, here, here, and here. Actually, we'll have to play tomorrow. It's too late to get this to a notary tonight. Where are you going?

The Over-negotiator. Don't we love them?

9. Limits and preferences? I thought you were supposed to be a sub.

Maybe we should revisit #16 because I'm more in the mood to hit you now.

8. It's time to introduce you to the FES.

That's the Flesh Eating Strap for any who haven't had the pleasure.

7. There's been a mix up and rooms are overbooked. It's alright, we'll set you up with a sleeping bag in Room 10.

A reference to a room reserved for discipline throughout the weekend. Some probably wouldn't mind. ;-)

6. We regret to inform you that the spanking party has been canceled due to good behavior.

An unlikely story.

5. Hi, I'm Tom Ryder

Author's Note: He's a great man with a wonderful sense of humor so surely didn't mind this joke. Um, yeah.

4. When does the swinging portion of the party start?

A few of us have met the "when do we pair off for sex?" guy. I'm glad it was just once.

3. What do you mean you don't wear a belt??

I personally find this very upsetting as it's one of my favorite implements.

2. Is that a paddle in your pocket or are you just happy to see me?

Take it as a compliment that I said paddle and not cane.

1. You may think you're into spanking, but it's really just a gateway, man.

Oh of course. What kind of weirdos like "just" spanking?

That's the close of the spring countdown! If you have any good ideas for a theme for my fall weekend, please share!

Ode To James Spader

 

Happy birthday to James Spader! He is 54 today. What should you do in honor of James Spader's birthday? Cuddle up and watch Pretty In Pink tonight. Have some sex, tell some lies, and watch some videotape. Catch up on The Black List on your DVR because it's so good. Have a dinner of one scoop of creamed potatoes, a slice of butter, four peas, and all the ice cream you can eat. Or my personal favorite- give or get a spanking while watching Secretary. That's what I plan to do. Below I'm reposting an older post of mine about why I love James Spader and the movie Secretary.

 

Okay so this is a spanko blog, you can see where this is going. For anyone who hasn't watched the movie Secretary, why are you still sitting there reading this? Go rent it, now! Alright, that's as toppy as I'll get. I've always been a fan of James Spader. From the unlikeable pretty boy Steff in Pretty in Pink to the over the top nerdy Mr. Richards in Mannequin.

Sex Lies and Videotape, White Palace, Crash. He's clearly an actor who likes to keep off the beaten path. I was an avid fan of The Practice and have every season of Boston Legal on DVD. But it was after watching Secretary that James Spader earned a special place in my heart.

Secretary came out in 2002 and although I reside in the home state of the Sundance film festival, I didn't see it until several years later. I don't recall why it came up, but a coworker who was an independent film buff mentioned it. I went and got myself a copy and watched it many times. I always hid the DVD in my computer desk drawer, as if someone seeing I owned it would immediately out me as a spanko. Lol. But at the time, I had not come out into the lifestyle yet, didn't know there was a lifestyle. One thing I did know was that the first spanking appears 49 minutes into the film. Seem a little exact? Go look it up. I've watched that scene a few times. ;-)

Secretary is about much more than spanking, of course. The dynamic between Edward and Lee's characters, played wonderfully by Maggie Gyllenhaal, is fascinating to watch. In more mainstream media, it seems that any characters into kink get portrayed as freaks. The Killer Inside Me, anyone? This movie is the only one I've seen that seems to give a more accurate perspective of how these characters think and feel and that they are otherwise "normal" people.

I don't know what a vanilla person's perspective on this movie would be since I'm spanko minded, but I always notice the little details when watching this. How she intertwines her fingers with his after he first spanks her. The look on her face when she goes to look at her freshly spanked bottom in the mirror. His quiet but firm tone of voice. Her happiness at eating four peas as her family looks on in awe. Her cunning delight when she finally gets called into his office again after the worm incident.

In the overall picture of the movie, the spanking parts are brief. But the relationships between these characters is what pulls me in. And there are so many things that I can relate to. Upon seeing the part where she swats herself with the brush, I thought other people have done that? Lol. The scene where Lee is making out with her boyfriend and tries to place his hand on her bottom but he keeps moving it up to her back. Then she even lays across his lap sticking her bottom up high which just makes him think she wants to have sex. That always makes me laugh.

Am I personally into everything that they do in the movie? No. Please don't tie me to a stove and throw tomatoes at me. But this kinky love story will always remain a favorite. So much so that I even borrowed her name as my own scene name. Gasp. Yep, the cat is out of the bag, my name's not actually Lea. And don't even start with me on how I spelled it wrong... Lol. As for James Spader, I'm glad that he can delve into the unusual roles. E. Edward Grey will always be my favorite. And now, some memorable lines.



E. Edward Grey: Look, we can't do this 24 hours a day, seven days a week.
Lee: Why not?

God, I love this movie.

Meme Time- Some Q&A

Hello all! I have been M.I.A. for a while due to a crazy busy schedule recently. If you're still out there, stay tuned! I'll have a post up soon about my recent 80's party chock full of 80's puns and have a lot of reading to do myself.

The phone rings. Who do you want it to be?
Who calls anyone these days? It would most likely be my dad or grandparents.

When shopping at the grocery store, do you return your cart?
Yes, and I pick a parking spot close to a cart return so that I'm sure to do it.

In a social setting, are you more of a talker or a listener?
It depends on the crowd, but I'm usually listening.

Do you take compliments well?
Not usually. I'm trying to get better at that and just say "thank you."
 
Are you an active person?
Active online? Sometimes! Ha!

If abandoned alone in the wilderness, do you survive?
No way. I've Googled "how to brown ground beef" before.

Did you ever go to camp as a kid?
Once with my old church. It was awful and mosquitoes tried to eat me alive. They thought I was just complaining and didn't believe me until paying attention to my arm having swelled to twice it's size from bites. I was driven home early. I don't do outside.

What was your favorite game/s as a kid?
I loved my Barbies. And Super Nintendo. Jump roping became a really competitive thing at my elementary school.

A sexy person is pursuing you, but you know that he/she is married, would you?
Not if everyone isn't in the know.

Are you judgmental?
About some things.

Do you like to pursue or be pursued?
Be pursued. I'm terrible at initiating.

Use three words to describe yourself.
Happy when spanked

If you had to choose, would you rather be deaf or blind?
Deaf

Are you continuing your education?
No

Do you know how to shoot a gun?


Not well. Ended up with ears ringing for 3 days and a huge bruise on my shoulder from the kick back.
 
How often do you read books?
Fairly often.
 
Do you think more about the past, present or future?
I think about everything. A lot.
 
What is your favorite children's book?
I read "Number The Stars" at least 50 times. 

Where is your ideal house located?
Near the people I want to see.
 
Boxers, briefs, thongs, panties or grannies?
I most often wear boyshorts or thongs. Styles that show some cheek.
 
Last person you talked to?
S at last night's play party.

Have you ever taken pictures in a photo booth?
Yes 
 
What are your keys on your key chain for?
Home, mailbox, car, work, my parent's house

Where was the furthest place you traveled today?
From the bedroom to the kitchen. Lol. Uneventful day in.

Where is your current pain?
My bottom is a bit sore from last night, but that's not a complaint.

Do you like mustard?
Yes, on some things. 

Do you prefer to sleep or eat?
Both are necessary at different times.

Do you look like your mom or dad?
A little of both. I favor my mom more.

How long does it take you in the shower?


15 minutes maybe, unless I'm shaving my legs too.
 
What movie do you want to see right now?
American Hustle

What did you do for New Year's?
NYE, nothing. New Year's Day I saw S and started out the year with a spanking.

What was the cause of your last accident?
Umm... I haven't had any real accidents. Every few years my lack of coordination and ice leads to a sprained accident.

A Happy New Year from 'N Sync

Wishing a safe and happy New Year to all my friends! 

I wish I was spending my New Year's Eve at Peepfest in Pennsylvania. Yep, it's a thing.

New Year's Eve Peep Drop 

If you're lucky, you may have someone to ring in the new year with.

If you're really lucky, you may be starting off the year doing what we all love.

Whatever you're doing, stay safe! And good luck on those resolutions!

Here's to the end of the holiday season! See you all next year!

Hey hey, it's someone's birthday!

In New York there lives a man named Joey

He is a beloved member of SCONY

A spanko through and through

He knows what to do

When it's time to take a gal o'er his knee

Dear Joey is a wonderful blogger

Loyal reader and frequent commenter

Known throughout blogland

He has many a fan

He is friendly and an avid runner!

Okay, maybe I'm reaching for some rhymes

But letting this day pass would be a crime

A birthday must be

Celebrated, times three!

 When one's a spanko it's a treasured time

In closing I wish this for you, my friend

A birthday ending with a red lit end

Your candles I don't mean

It's time for some spanking

Many volunteers have a hand to lend!

 

 

 Happy Birthday, Joey!

LOL Day 8

I'm late! I'm late! For a very important date!

It's 11/12/13 and it is time for LOL Day 8!

Created by dear Bonnie of My Bottom Smarts

LOL Day is to Love our Lurkers who take our traffic off the charts!

We know you're out there, yes we do

 

Anyone can leave a comment, yes, especially you!

 

We bloggers love to hear from readers near and far

 

So feel free to add a comment, a hello, and take part!

 

Lea-To-English Dictionary

(Cross-posted from my Fetlife writings)

Okay, so direct communication about what I want is not my strong suit. Actually, it's not really in my closet at all. I'm not good at asking for what I want or initiating anything from romantic encounters to scenes I'd like to have. Those things are unlikely to change. But what can change is people learning to fucking read between the lines already! I have written this Lea-to-English dictionary to assist in translation.

Lea: "Hi."
English: a. "Hi." (Sometimes it is just a hello.) b. "Hi. I want a spanking."

Lea: "What are your plans tonight?"
English: "I am free. Are you going to fucking ask me to play already or what?"

Lea: "I'm hungry."
English: "After I find sustenance, I'd really like a spanking later."

Lea: "I'm tired."
English: "I'm tired."

Lea: "You're a jerkface."
English: a. "You really ARE a jerkface.'' b. "I think you're cute and you should spank me." c. a and b combined

(In response to being asked if I've played at the party)
Lea: "A little bit."
English: "I want more spankings."

(In response to being asked what I like to do at the party)
Lea: "I'm a spanko."
English: "Spank me already!"

Lea: "That toy looks mean."
English: "Smack me with it so I can form an accurate opinion."

Lea: "No."
English: "Get the fuck away from me."

Lea: "A little more."
English: "Push me to the edge, baby."

There. Are we all on the same page now? Was it that difficult? I'm just a girl, standing in front of a boy, asking him to spank me. Yeah, I sort of quoted Notting Hill. I should be spanked for that.

30 Sayings From The Mouths Of Tops

For the past month, I've been counting down the days until the SCONY weekend with all my friends. The theme of the countdown this time was "30 Sayings From The Mouths Of Tops." It is a collection of quotes many of us have heard come from a top's mouth. My smart ass commentary to their sayings will be in parentheses next to it. :-D Enjoy!

30 Sayings From The Mouths Of Tops

 

30. "Why are we here?" (The poor dears have terrible memories. Be nice to them!)

29. "(fill in the blank) is banned." (Um, what is this, 1984?)

 

28. "I'm waiting..." (Patience is a virtue. Just sayin'.)

 

27. "Yeaaaah!" (Yeaaaah you heard right. It's somebody's birthday! Happy birthday Mr. Grumpypants!)

26. "Come here, NOW." (Maybe we can make a patience potion in class? You people really have a problem.)

25. "Go in the other room and wait for me." (Now WE are expected to wait? Typical double standard!)

24. "Um, no." (Probably his first words! Must've been very disagreeable as a baby.)

 

23. "So what did I miss??" (Typing and reading comprehension classes, apparently.)

22. "Mm hmm." (How can one say so little and still say so much?)

 

21. "That's so funny." (What is? How chipmunks and other woodland creatures travel faster than your van down I-80?)

 

20. "Helloooo dollface!" (I think I just threw up in my mouth a little.)

 

19. "Really???" (Yes, really! K is an angel and it is her birthday. Let's help her shine her halo!)

 

18. "je vais t'apprendre a compter en francais, ma chere"  which means "I will teach you how to count in French, my dear." (I got the translation from a certain Cuh-naw-dian so if I just said something bad, it's her fault!)

17. "I'm right here!" (If you didn't wander around so stealthily you wouldn't need to announce it.)

 

16. "What did I just tell you?!" (How should I know? Obviously I wasn't listening.)

15. "We have something to discuss." (Your discussions involve surprisingly little talking. Would you like a dictionary to clarify what "discuss" means?)

 

Forced sort of retraction thingy due to an overthinking top- Certain lawyers have pointed out other definitions of "discuss" under the category of civil law. A. To collect a debt from (the person primarily liable) before proceeding against the person secondarily liable. B. To execute against the movable property of (a debtor) before proceeding against the debtor's immovable property, as land.

14. "Whatevuh." (When we say it it's seen as flippant and dismissive, but you get to say it? Whatevuh.)

13. "What does lying get?" (Friends? Job promotions? A sharp mind with a good memory?)

12. "There's no fair in SCONY." (And in other news, Captain Obvious has discovered that water is wet.)

11. "It is what it is." (But what is "it," really? One of life's great unanswered questions.)

10. "I can't believe you're STILL bratting me!" (I wonder how many times a certain birthday girl with a penchant for books has heard this one.)

9. "What are those still doing up?" (Well we JUST walked in here! Really need to work on that patience potion...)

8. "You're going to count out loud and if you miss one we start over." (Is this a spanking or a neurological exam? Do I have to count backwards by sevens next?)

7. "Whaddaya kiddin' me with that?" (No, I'm not kidding. The words "never ever" end in r's, not h's. I promise!)

6. "It won't help, but it can't hurt either." (I'm getting the feeling that it could end up hurting a LOT.)

5. "Do you understand me?" (No. What language are you speaking? Klingon?)

4. "You just do that and let me know how it works out for you." (This seems like a trap.)

3. "Yes, what???" (Yes, LordSirMasterJerkface?)

2. "You don't talk when my lips are moving!" (So you're saying I can never speak?)

1. "You have a death wish." (Ya think? I've only been goading you all for the past 30 days!)

That's my list! There were a lot of birthdays this past month. I wonder how that will work out for those folks at the weekend. By the time you are reading this I should have arrived in NYC and be on my way. See ya next week! And to all the tops out there, just remember that imitation is the sincerest form of flattery! :-D

Three More Days!

The SCONY Mountain Weekend will be here before I know it! And I am so not ready! I hate packing. HATE IT. It seems like I always forget something. I'm coming up with a list and starting to pack today so if something is missing I still have time to go get it.

What does one need for a spanking weekend vacation? 

Panties, panties, and more panties. Check.

You can give many different messages with your panties.

More clothes and shoes than I'll possibly wear in a five day time frame. Check.

Harry Potter costume? Nope. I'm sure those dressing up will look great as always though.

Lotion to keep my bottom in good spanking shape. Check.

Hairbrush THAT IS ONLY FOR BRUSHING HAIR. Check.

Notebook to jot down all the memories. Check.

Swimsuit for the hot tub (if it's not too damn cold outside). Check.

 

I will have to leave enough room to bring back some Peeps.

My suitcase isn't quite ready but I am more than ready for a vacation. Good friends, good times, good girl spankings! (Hey, why are you laughing?) Karaoke, watching Days of our Lives with Regan, Peep roast! Spankings, spankings, and more spankings! Three more days and I'll be headed to a different set of mountains.

Sunday Caning

image from Cane-iac

*Note- If you are wary of canes and/or heavy marking, you may want to skip this post. R, you've been warned.*

Canes are one of those things that used to terrify me. (Okay, sometimes they still do.) When I ventured out into the spanking world I said no #%*! way! It was a hard limit. This is where some annoyingly wise kinkster pops in and says that you'll end up doing whatever you said you'd never do. Yeah, yeah. Pipe down. This is my story!

Back to canes. A friend I trusted eventually got me to try it. And I loved it. Sometimes I love/hate it. Whatever. You get the idea. There are a LOT of canes out there that create different sensations. Most who have read here before know that I'm Team Sting all the way. No, not that Sting! I have a strong preference to sting over thud. I can handle a lot more stingy pain than I can that deep tissue thuddy awfulness. That's just me. YYMV, as they say.

Besides the lasting sting, for me there is a big mindfuck factor to caning. There's a structured feel to it. I feel the anticipation (sometimes verging on anxiety, but in a good way) beforehand. Feeling it tap against me before the hard stroke comes. Hearing the swish of the cane in the air. I'm not often in a position to easily see the person caning me so I rely on the sounds and sensations of it all.

There are times when I crave a good caning. And recently I got one. A is very skilled at caning, amongst other things, and this was the first time I'd been caned by him. He has about a million and a half canes I think. Rattan, delrin, it was all there. I was a bit wide-eyed surveying the collection. I expressed that I like sting over thud and about half of them were put away, still leaving many options. Once those were all picked out, I got undressed and lay on the bed. (Is it "lay" or "laid"? Fuck, I can never remember that.) I was a bit nervous but it faded as we talked about what my experiences with caning have been like.

He was a pro at giving a good warm-up. I don't think I would've been able to take nearly as much without that. It started slower as I got a feel for a few of the canes and the different sensations of each one. You can see from the picture that I received full coverage and it was kept pretty even. For much of it he was using more than one cane at a time and would get the same spot several times before switching to the other side. It was a steady pace that allowed me to handle the harder strokes when it worked up to that. He swapped to different canes a few times and I tried to give feedback on how they felt compared to the others, but I'm not always good at verbalizing that. After a few "I don't know's" he said he'd run through them again so I could compare. He struck me with 5 or 6 different canes in quick succession and asked again which one I liked best. When I had stopped squirming I looked back at him with a glare and he continued with an evil smile on his face. I vetoed the last one as too stingy even for me and tried to give clearer answers.

The intensity increased as he continued and there was much more squirming and moaning on my part. Probably an "oh fuck" or two in there as well. We were still talking throughout and he seemed to be judging my reactions well. At one point he paused and asked, "How did you say you feel about blood?" That freaked me out a little. "Am I really bleeding?" I looked back at my bottom and couldn't really tell amidst all the color and welts. I don't have a specific weak spot prone to breaking like some people do, so I was surprised. We had been at it for quite a while though. He had it covered and fixed me up with his first aid kit. Before the bandaid was put on I asked if he could take a few pics so I had proof of my battle scars. I asked if people often bled when he caned them. He said no that it doesn't usually get that far and I was able to take a lot. Yay, I'm a tough ass! Haha. Well, I can pretend for at least a little while. That is certainly not a challenge to anybody! And so ends the story of my Sunday caning.

  Love/hate, like I said.

Why? The Psychology Behind Spanking

What is it that makes me a spanko? Why do I want/need/crave this? What does it do for me? What does it do for my partner? Will I always feel this way or will it just fade away at some point? I feel like there are many more questions than there are answers. It is an interesting thing to ponder, but I gave up a long time ago on ever figuring out the origins.

I have heard many other self-identified spankos  share stories similar to mine. For me, spanking has been a lifelong interest. When I was a kid I didn't try to actively get in trouble because what kid wants to be in trouble? That's something one quickly learns to avoid. But I always felt a fascination with all things spanking related. I would repeatedly look up spank and all it's variations in the dictionary. I knew where to find each spot in a book or movie that involved spanking. At the same time, I felt that it was odd and wrong and that I needed to hide it. No bookmarks would be left in the pages to signal what I had last read. They didn't need to be there anyway, I had the page numbers memorized.

Many have expressed a similar lifelong interest. I've heard discussions about if there is a "spanking gene." I don't know about that. I just know that it's something that has been with me as long as I can remember. Because of that, I hold it closely. It is a part of me that I don't want to share with just anyone. It is probably why it sets me on edge when I hear someone say "so-and-so is just into spanking," like it's some silly and elementary thing. (That's a whole different topic though! I'll stay on track here.) I've heard many folks into spanking also share different stories about how they got into it. They saw something that made them want to try it or were introduced to it by a partner and really liked it. There isn't one way that makes anyone a "true spanko" over another. We all differ in certain aspects.

I have always been a bottom when it comes to spanking. That's not to say nobody hasn't ever persuaded me to top, but I am no good at it and it doesn't do anything for me. My headspace ties in with being the spankee/bottom/submissive/whatever you want to call it. I don't consider myself a masochist. I actually think I'm a huge wuss when it comes to physical pain. Some find that odd. Why are you into spanking if you don't like pain? I see pain as a means to an end to get the overall effect. More often than not, I handle the physical parts to achieve the mental/emotional parts.

My spanker/top getting into my head is such a big part of the experience for me. If there is no connection or good dynamic going with the person spanking me then it's just having my ass smacked. In my mind that is different than a spanking. I don't expect fireworks going off in my head with each play partner I meet, but there has to be something. Someone I have a friendship with. Someone who enjoys the verbal banter. Someone I like as a person. Feeling a mutual attraction, not even necessarily physical, or being drawn to a confident and dominant vibe (aka the strong silent type). I need that connection and closeness.

Finding the right partner is a key element. They play into the next questions. What does spanking do for me? What do I want/get out of it? The whole ritual and act of spanking gets me into a certain headspace. Ultimately, I feel safe and cared for. I need someone else to take control allowing me to be free to just feel. To be in the moment and not worried about anything else. Focused on myself, my partner, the rhythm and sensations, their words, and even the pain. It is an escape, really. I trust my top to know me and how I react and take me just far enough to achieve that emotional release.

I get very stressed when things just keep building up and I'm not always the best at expressing it. I hold on tightly to my emotions and spanking is one thing that can always help me get all of that out in a safe space. I also like pleasing my partner and being submissive towards them. I do not have a real life disciplinarian or a 24/7 relationship of a D/s dynamic. I do like how many of the aspects of discipline fit in nicely with my headspace and spanking in general. I like the mindfuck. The process of "getting caught," unsuccessfully trying to get out of it and match wits with the top, resisting, and ultimately (as we both knew would happen) submitting and accepting the spanking. "The dance," as some call it.

I'm no top, but from questions I have asked my friends who are I get some of the same feedback. Being in control they like caring for someone, knowing they are giving the bottom what they need, and getting them to that headspace. I don't know what an equivalent "topspace" would be to what I get out of it, but maybe someone can describe that sometime. I'd be curious to hear more about the other side.

It's not always all serious. Hell, I'm a spanko. I like spankings for fun, just because, for stress relief, for sexual release, because it's Wednesday and we're both bored. Whatever. Though my interest and mindset are rooted as I described above. The connection, contact, and closeness are all important. Oh and hugs. Did I mention hugs? I can be spanked until my bottom is a rainbow of colors, yanked by my hair, pushed into position, held down while squirming, but when that is all over I need a hug. I think I'm pretty simple. Right? As I wrote earlier, we all differ. This is some insight into the mind of Lea. What's your story?

Part Of Your World- Spankified

I haven't spankified a song in a while so here's a new one for you. Set to the tune of "Part Of Your World" from The Little Mermaid. I really miss all my friends who I'll be seeing in October who inspired this one. Enjoy!

Part Of Your World

 

Look at this stuff, isn't it neat?

Wouldn't you think my collection's complete?

Wouldn't you think I'm the girl

The girl who has everything?

Justin's poster on this wall unfolds

How many Peeps can one apartment hold?

Looking around here you'd think

Sure, she's got everything

I've got tawses and paddles a plenty

I've got leather and floggers galore

You want hairbrushes? I've got too many

But who cares? No big deal, I want more

I wanna be where the spankos are

I wanna see wanna see 'em bratting

Watching them become dead..

What do you call it? Meat

Without some tops you don't get too far

Laps are required for lying over

Spanked 'til my bottom feels..

What's that word again? Heat

Up where they walk, until they run!

Up where they play all day just for fun

Over a knee

Wish I could be

Part of that world

What would I give if I could live

Amongst the odder?

What would I pay to spend a day

With some good friends?

Betcha out there, they're always fair

Bet they don't reprimand their bottoms

Bright young women, sick of vanilla men

Ready for a hand

And ready to know what the people know

Ask 'em my questions and get some answers

What is a FES and why does it..

What's the word? Burn

When's it my turn?

Wouldn't I love

To explore that spanko world up above

Over a knee

Wish I could be

Part of that world