2011 has been an interesting year. A lot of ups and downs. That's life, I guess. I don't really have enough content to write a whole post for Thanksgiving purposes but will preface it here. I'm thankful for my husband and all that he does for me. I love you. I'm thankful for my family. I'm thankful for my SCONY family and that you all let me be a part of it. I'm thankful for all my wonderful friends who let me cry on their shoulders, rant and curse until I have nothing more to say, put up with my incessant text message countdowns, and laugh at my bad puns. I'm thankful to all who read this blog and interact with me. I'm thankful to the Just Born people for making Peeps available 4 times a year, though they really should be available at Thanksgiving too, because I'm thankful for Peeps. (I'm officially adding "Peeps" into the post tags. How had I not already done that?)
My topic today is the funny side of fantasy vs. reality. Ever since the internet age came about for this spanko gal, I loved to read stories. Fiction is always so... perfect. All those thoughts you have in your head melding together to create this ideal scenario. That's nice for stories, but it doesn't always translate to real life. Not MY real life anyway, lol. Things happen and some of these things I think back on and laugh. I'll share a few.
Fantasy: He looks at me, drawing me in with his gaze, and I shiver from knowing what is to come. He pulls my pants down in one swift motion and places me across his knee.
Reality #1: There ISN'T one swift motion for pants removal! Maybe if one were to wear a skirt then it is flipped up easily but pants come in all types with all sorts of button arrangements. I had a pair of jeans that was one of those 2 button deals, kind of like dress pants have where the one button is above the zipper, but the other is underneath and an inch or so away on an inner tab. This resulted in the top reaching to remove my jeans and after a minute of fumbling gave up and told me to take them down myself.
Reality #2: In real life, people keep things in their pockets. I am one of those people. This was also a pants removal situation. When they did come undone and were pulled down, my phone and keys went flying across the hard floor, the phone completely coming apart and battery hitting the wall. D'oh! Imagine that warranty call into T-mobile. "How was it damaged? Uh... it clattered from my pocket when some mean top yanked my pants down to spank me! No, you're not on Candid Camera... What the hell is Candid Camera?"
Fantasy: He holds me in place across his knee, delivering a flurry of hard swats to my bottom. "Are you going to behave, young lady?" he asks as my bottom quickly turns pink. "Yes, sir!" I plead.
Reality: Sometimes I can't stop laughing. I don't know why, I just can't help it! Then it goes something like this: He holds me in place across his knee, delivering a flurry of hard swats to my bottom. "Are you going to behave, young lady?" he asks as the swats continue. "Yes, sir" I giggle. SMACK! SMACK! SMACK! SMACK! "Do you think this is funny?" he asks as the swats land harder. "No, sir!" I'm still giggling. "You won't be finding it very funny soon," he growls. SMAAAACK! SMAAAACK! It's not funny! Why doesn't he believe me??
Fantasy: "Don't you move," he says firmly in my ear. I lay across the bed as he retrieves the strap. The butterflies in my stomach go wild as he takes his time. Swoooosh THWAP! Swoooosh THWAP! The strap connects with my tender flesh. "Am I getting through to you yet?" he asks. "Ooooww yes, sir!"
Reality: I've gotten hiccups mid-spanking before. Boy, was that annoying. When I get hiccups, they can last for over an hour and tend to be quite loud and noticeable. I've heard all the supposed remedies. Drink water. Eat a tablespoon of peanut butter. Hold your breath for 1 minute. Have someone jump out and scare you. (Yes, that was a real suggestion.) Maybe that one works the opposite way too that a spanking can take my breath away and give me hiccups? Back to the above scenario. Swoooosh THWAP! Swoooosh THWAP! The strap connects with my tender flesh. "Am I getting through to you yet?" he asks. "Ooooww HICCUP yes HICCUP sir!" That's pretty much how it continued for a few minutes, hiccuping throughout the strapping. You think he would've been nice enough to just stop asking me questions.
Fantasy: The spanking eases up and eventually concludes. He runs his fingers across my back for a few moments as he tells me it is over and I can relax. He pulls me up off his lap and holds me close.
Reality #1: Anyone who has been around me for more than 10 minutes knows that I'm not exactly graceful. Some coordination skills may be lacking. Okay, not may be. Are. I'm actually amazed that I have yet to fall on my freaking face when trying to get up off someone's lap. That is probably mostly due to helpful tops who try and help untangle my jeans from around my shoes before I try to stand up. I've come close though. Bad traction boots + hard wood floors aren't the best OTK combination. Having your feet in socks + kicking on the carpet gets a bit slippery too. Why are my feet reaching the floor? Well, I'm tall.
Reality #2: I have certainly acquired post-spanking injuries, though. Once after a party, I did semi gracefully get up, we hugged, and then as I walked out of the booth, BAM! I smacked my head right into a wall-mounted speaker. That really hurt plus there were at least 10 people in close proximity who noticed and I wanted to die from embarrassment. It happens. It happens to me a lot, lol. I must say though, if anyone is looking for tips on how to take your mind off a throbbing bottom, I highly recommend running into a wall.
Happy Thanksgiving everyone! Be thankful that you are probably less clumsy than me! ;-)