My topic today is the funny side of fantasy vs. reality. Ever since the internet age came about for this spanko gal, I loved to read stories. Fiction is always so... perfect. All those thoughts you have in your head melding together to create this ideal scenario. That's nice for stories, but it doesn't always translate to real life. Not MY real life anyway, lol. Things happen and some of these things I think back on and laugh. I'll share a few.
Fantasy: He looks at me, drawing me in with his gaze, and I shiver from knowing what is to come. He pulls my pants down in one swift motion and places me across his knee.
Reality #1: There ISN'T one swift motion for pants removal! Maybe if one were to wear a skirt then it is flipped up easily but pants come in all types with all sorts of button arrangements. I had a pair of jeans that was one of those 2 button deals, kind of like dress pants have where the one button is above the zipper, but the other is underneath and an inch or so away on an inner tab. This resulted in the top reaching to remove my jeans and after a minute of fumbling gave up and told me to take them down myself.
Reality #2: In real life, people keep things in their pockets. I am one of those people. This was also a pants removal situation. When they did come undone and were pulled down, my phone and keys went flying across the hard floor, the phone completely coming apart and battery hitting the wall. D'oh! Imagine that warranty call into T-mobile. "How was it damaged? Uh... it clattered from my pocket when some mean top yanked my pants down to spank me! No, you're not on Candid Camera... What the hell is Candid Camera?"
Fantasy: He holds me in place across his knee, delivering a flurry of hard swats to my bottom. "Are you going to behave, young lady?" he asks as my bottom quickly turns pink. "Yes, sir!" I plead.
Reality: Sometimes I can't stop laughing. I don't know why, I just can't help it! Then it goes something like this: He holds me in place across his knee, delivering a flurry of hard swats to my bottom. "Are you going to behave, young lady?" he asks as the swats continue. "Yes, sir" I giggle. SMACK! SMACK! SMACK! SMACK! "Do you think this is funny?" he asks as the swats land harder. "No, sir!" I'm still giggling. "You won't be finding it very funny soon," he growls. SMAAAACK! SMAAAACK! It's not funny! Why doesn't he believe me??
Fantasy: "Don't you move," he says firmly in my ear. I lay across the bed as he retrieves the strap. The butterflies in my stomach go wild as he takes his time. Swoooosh THWAP! Swoooosh THWAP! The strap connects with my tender flesh. "Am I getting through to you yet?" he asks. "Ooooww yes, sir!"
Reality: I've gotten hiccups mid-spanking before. Boy, was that annoying. When I get hiccups, they can last for over an hour and tend to be quite loud and noticeable. I've heard all the supposed remedies. Drink water. Eat a tablespoon of peanut butter. Hold your breath for 1 minute. Have someone jump out and scare you. (Yes, that was a real suggestion.) Maybe that one works the opposite way too that a spanking can take my breath away and give me hiccups? Back to the above scenario. Swoooosh THWAP! Swoooosh THWAP! The strap connects with my tender flesh. "Am I getting through to you yet?" he asks. "Ooooww HICCUP yes HICCUP sir!" That's pretty much how it continued for a few minutes, hiccuping throughout the strapping. You think he would've been nice enough to just stop asking me questions.
Fantasy: The spanking eases up and eventually concludes. He runs his fingers across my back for a few moments as he tells me it is over and I can relax. He pulls me up off his lap and holds me close.
Reality #1: Anyone who has been around me for more than 10 minutes knows that I'm not exactly graceful. Some coordination skills may be lacking. Okay, not may be. Are. I'm actually amazed that I have yet to fall on my freaking face when trying to get up off someone's lap. That is probably mostly due to helpful tops who try and help untangle my jeans from around my shoes before I try to stand up. I've come close though. Bad traction boots + hard wood floors aren't the best OTK combination. Having your feet in socks + kicking on the carpet gets a bit slippery too. Why are my feet reaching the floor? Well, I'm tall.
Reality #2: I have certainly acquired post-spanking injuries, though. Once after a party, I did semi gracefully get up, we hugged, and then as I walked out of the booth, BAM! I smacked my head right into a wall-mounted speaker. That really hurt plus there were at least 10 people in close proximity who noticed and I wanted to die from embarrassment. It happens. It happens to me a lot, lol. I must say though, if anyone is looking for tips on how to take your mind off a throbbing bottom, I highly recommend running into a wall.
Happy Thanksgiving everyone! Be thankful that you are probably less clumsy than me! ;-)
13 comments:
I am thankful for you lea,not just your wonderful blog, but also your friendship. I will never forget singing one of your parodies at the last weekend. And, of course, your comments on FL or conversations in chat always bring a smile to my face. So, I am thankful for you lea.
Happy Thanksgiving,
joey
PS I almost dropped my laptop laughing so hard reading your fantasy/reality post.
Like Joey, I laughed my way through your post! Lea, you are amazing! You have wonderful insights into Tops' motivations and behaviors. Thanks to you, I just realized that bottoms have their grace and coordination smacked out of them by Tops. That's why our feet slide on the floor OTK and we run into things upon leaving cubbies at parties. Some people just run into higher things than others!
Happy Thanksgiving!
Marne
HAHAHAHA! How true these are. Clothing rarely cooperates as smoothly as it does in the stories. And I have yet to discover a graceful way to get off someone's lap. Word to the wise: when you use your hand to brace yourself as you rise, watch where you put it. :-D
Happy Thanksgiving, Lea!
Fantasy and reality are two very different things. In my mind, I stay very still and quiet during a spanking. The reality? I squirm and have been know to call the person spanking me bad words. They just hit a little harder. I enjoyed your blog.
happy thanksgiving
great comparisons LOL...thank you for sharing :)
love and hugs kiwi xx
@joey, Thank you! I'm thankful for your friendship as well. *hug*
@Marne, Yes I have had grace and coordination smacked out of me for sure. Brain cells, too! So the stupid things I do are the top's fault, really.
@Erica, O_O I could see that creating a potentially awkward situation for sure!
@Dragon's Rose, I would've had a cursing scenario but that's usually internal. ;-) Thanks for stopping by!
@kiwi, You're welcome!
Happy Thanksgiving to all!
OH THANK GOODNESS I AM NOT THE ONLY ONE!!! I, too, have gotten a horrible case of the giggles (probably with the same top). I could not stop for the life of me. It was terrible. I couldn't even promise I would try to stop, or try to try. (Q: Do you think this is funny? A: Well, yeah, actually, I do...) Hoo boy!
That's the best part of your blog, it lets me know that I am not alone. Thank you for that!
--Regan
I don't recall who it was, but one gentleman trying to help me to my feet during my first spanking weekend told me, "There is no way to get up gracefully."
I've been trying ever since...certain statures and body shapes can make or break the deal. I have worn both a skirt and slacks, as well as jeans. I primarily started using a school skirt to make the tops do some work in lieu of watching me wrestle with my pants.
And, again, lea....let me share with you: Peeps are available the year around at Candy Favorites.com and offer chocolate covered marshmallow pumpkins peeps, dark chocolate covered mint flavored marshmallow trees and new milk chocolate covered mint flavored marshmallow trees; all which are suitable for Thanksgiving and Christmas, and a lot more to stimulate your imagination. And in case you have not run into any barriers as yet, lea, the peeps image is copyrighted and may not be used without permission. [rats!]
Lea ... YOU are a laugh riot! I'm thankful that I found your blog this year, as you've brought many a smile to this face! (not to mention, witty commentary to say to my play partners.. which could.. or could not be detrimental to my booty - depending on how much of a "SAM" I was channeling on that day!)
((Hugs to you!)) And thank you for taking the time out of your day to blog .. as you are certainly entertainment for this spanko-soul! ♥'s you!
~Zelle
You have a good sense of humor on the difference between reality and fantasy. Thanks for sharing.
FD
@Regan, From my own experiences and what I hear coming from behind the curtains, you are far from the only one! This is where you need a top who doesn't take themselves too seriously. They need to be able to understand that we aren't laughing AT them, sometimes it just happens.
@eileen, Lol, I really dislike skirts but it does help to solve that problem.I did check out that candy website but one must order in bulk and I'd hate to go into a sugar coma from having so much in such close proximity.
@Zelle, Thank you very much! But I get the feeling that you need no assistance with witty commentary to land you in trouble. ;-)
@Florida Dom, I'm glad you enjoyed it. Thanks for stopping by!
I left a comment earlier via my phone and it disappeared into oblivion! Grrrr....
Anyway, Lea you are so funny and this comparison you make is so true!! In most of my fiction, the female characters reflect me oftentimes, so I try to inject the reality into the storyline!
I am thankful for your blog! I love following you!!
sarah
@sarah, Thank you! Stories are enjoyable because you can make them how you want them to be, but I do like reading things that seem realistic and put myself in the character's place as I read it.
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