Sunday, July 1, 2012

I Am A Person, Not A Fetish!

Yes, it's true. I am a whole person, with a face and everything, though I don't show it here. This rant is in follow up to some annoying out of the blue messages and friend requests on FetLife that I'm sure many of us have encountered. (Hell, Erica Scott could write a book about it!) You know, the ones from a complete stranger who you have no common friends or interests with. The one who clearly didn't read your profile where it says in big red letters:

If I don't know you, please send a message along with any friend requests. I don't add people I've never talked to. Thanks.

Usually the message isn't even a complete sentence. The subject line will read "Do" and the body of the message: "you need to be spanked?" And that example has better grammar than many I've seen. I'm quite tempted to reply with Subject: "Who" Body: "the fuck are you?" Because that is my first thought. Has social media shorthand and constant texting reduced our intelligence so greatly that we don't know how to say "hello" anymore? Can people still speak in complete sentences and have a conversation? I'm getting lost on a grammar tangent here but I'll return to my original point.

I am a person, not a fetish. Whether online or in person, a good way to start a conversation is to say "Hello. I'm (fill in blank). What's your name?" Then let the conversation lead where it may which could include talking about interests in the scene or outside of it. Obviously if you see me at a spanking party, I probably like to spank or to be spanked or am thinking about it. We're all there for the same reason but that doesn't mean that all social norms can be thrown out the window. Approaching a person who you've never spoken with and starting a conversation with "I'd love to beat your ass" isn't in good form. 

We are all still people. Most people like to get to know a person a little better before letting them put their hands all over their body. Use some common sense and some social skills, please. As nice as it may be to have my butt complimented, I am more than just a "spankable bottom." I can talk and everything! I know approaching people isn't always easy. I admit that I'm terrible at it myself as I'm very shy. But even I can manage a hello and introducing myself.  So if you see me, come say hello! And if you want to tell me that you'd love to beat my ass, maybe save that for a few minutes into the conversation. ;-)


Anonymous said...

Hi Lea,

You are so right, I recognise the frustration you wrote about. Hopefully a posting like yours does help, I really don't understand those people who think they don't need to start a conversation with hello, and it with a nice goodbye. Not to mention those who share sexual requests without even taking a moment to share something personal about themselves.

You are so right to point out you are more then a fetish!

Femme Fessee

SNP said...

I am not on Fetlife, but your feeling and post are well stated.

Marne said...

Yes, Lea, I get those on FetLife too! The one that bothers me the most is the message that just says, "Hi," nothing else. One word? I'm only worth one word? Really annoying.

Anonymous said...


Yesterday, I saw a T-Shirt. "Beam me up Scotty, there is no intelligent life on this planet." Immediately, I thought of FL and some blog messages.

Great post. I really do miss saying hello to you and having a conversation.

Big Hug,

Susie said...

Sorry that you are dealing with this Lea. I get the odd wacko on messenger and have to wonder how they find me!

Alicia said...

"I can talk and everything!" --- LOLOLOL! So true, it does seem like they think we're just mute, blind, and deaf objects...Nothing but an ass going around. Sadly enough those people won't take the time to read this well said post.

Lea said...

@Femme Fessee, Hello and goodbye are good parts to a conversation. People need to listen to The Beatles more! ;-)

@SNP, It can happen in person as well as FetLife, but hope you enjoy not getting idiotic messages. Lol.

@Marne, That is also strange. Do they expect you to write back? Do they send that out to 100 people at a time and see who bites? I don't get it.

@joey, Ha! Nice shirt. You are an excellent conversationalist and I'm looking forward to seeing you again in a few months!

@Susie, Yes, I forgot to mention IM. I sometimes get out of the blue requests to add me and no message as to how they know me. Odd.

@Alicia, That is true. The ones who need the advice don't often take it when available. I heard a rumor that I may be seeing you in a few months and I hope it's true! Miss you!

Erica said...

"I'm quite tempted to reply with Subject: 'Who' Body: 'the fuck are you?'"

Oh, Lea! This is perfect! Do it do it do it, please? Just once?? :-D

Angel said...

Great post, Lea. I get requests on yahoo IM all the time. When I send a message asking, "do I know you?", I get no reply. I especially dislike the ones on FL that request friendship and have nothing about spanking on their profile! How did they find me??

Lea said...

@Erica, Okay, if I get another split sentence message like that, I'm doing it. ;-)

@Angel, I'm with you on that. No common friends or interests, nowhere near my geographical area. Where do they come from?

Anonymous said...

Lea - hang in there and don't let these people get to you. They have no life and think that all people are the same. The people that you want to be around are those that can carry on a conversation and have something to share about themselves and their lives.


Lea said...

@Charles, I will say that the idiots I described are in the minority. Most of the spanking world is full of really great people. Thank you for your comment.