Thursday, April 25, 2013

30 Reasons Bottoms Are Awesome

I'm off to NYC today to head to the SCONY Mountain Weekend. I've been sending daily countdown messages to my friends for the past 30 days. The theme this time around was 30 Reasons Bottoms Are Awesome. Enjoy!

30 Reasons Bottoms Are Awesome
 #30- We play Scrabble. I know, forming words.. You tops can sit this one out.

#29- Our antics are entertaining. You don't have to try so hard to keep from smiling.

#28- We keep your legs warm on a cold day.

#27- We provide housekeeping reminders. If your floors need sweeping or corners have cobwebs, we'll be sure to mention it.

#26- We can read, write, count, AND type. Yeah, it's pretty impressive.

#25- We look so young. What's our secret? We don't have birthdays.. not anymore. Shh!

#24- If it weren't for us, who would you spank? Each other? I didn't think so.

#23- We can operate a bus when necessary.

#22- Our bottoms turn beautiful colors. We are works of art.

#21- You're the "winner." We're the "sore loser." (Or are we? Hmm..)

#20- We're better than Ginkgo Biloba at keeping your mind and memory sharp.

#19- We are adorable when we pout. Admit it!

#18- Ask us about our ever-expanding vocabulary of cuss words! You're sure to be impressed!

#17- We're like the old Timex watches. We take a lickin' and keep on.. well, we'd have to say, "kicking."

#16- If all the bottoms in the world disappeared tomorrow, that implement bag you're so proud of would be.. just baggage. How sad would that be?

#15- We offer on-the-spot product reviews for your toys. Top- "How do you like this?" WHACK! Bottom- "Yeow, too much sting, not enough thud!"

#14- Wordmashingdoesnotbotherusonebit!

#13- We know that "top logic" is an oxymoron. We're just too polite to say so.

#12- We're highly coordinated. Forget rubbing your stomach and patting your head at the same time. Try wailing, kicking, AND counting!

#11- You want to know reason #11? I'm not going to tell, and you can't make me!

#10- We are capable of learning new skills like working a combination lock, counting in 6 different languages (including New-Yawk), and pointing to Switzerland on a map.

#9- WE know that YOU know every trick in the book, but that won't stop us from layering on four pairs of undies for your amusement (and our protection).

#8- We are excellent listeners. Oh, and our ears are in no way connected to our backsides, not that we're going to tell YOU that.

#7- Without us, a wooden spoon is just something to stir with, a ruler something to measure with, a hand something to wave hello with, toast is just bread.. blah.

#6- We are fascinating objects of study. Many books have been written about us. Many mysterious little black books that no one has ever seen.

#5- We have a highly sensitive and sympathetic nature. Your hand hurts? Aww, we're so sorry! Your poor hand! Your poor, poor hand!

#4- We are keeping you healthy with cardiovascular exercise! You should thank us! We said "THANK!" (You're welcome.)

#3- We are the ONLY reason SOME of you even need a hairbrush.

#2- Your toppy threats make us smile. Just try that with the outside world. Yeah, try it and let us know how that works out for you..

#1- We love our tops!
I'll probably be paying for some of these soon, not like the intention was to provoke or anything. ;-) Have a good weekend everybody!


Kenzie said...

Hahaha Lea, I love your silly posts, but I think this is one of my all time favorites! My favorite reason from this would, be have to be:

"#17- We're like the old Timex watches. We take a lickin' and keep on.. well, we'd have to say, "kicking."

Have so much fun! :)

Anonymous said...


I loved getting all of the text messages. I looked forward to them every day and laughed at all of them.


Erica said...

We rule, don't we! :-D Yes, we do.

Have a wonderful time!

kiwigirliegirl said...

Love it we bottoms rock. Have a great weekend can't wait to read about it

ronnie said...

Loved your post. Have fun.


Susie said...

Hope you are having a great weekend Lea!

Lea said...

@Kenzie, I'm glad you enjoyed it!

@joey, That's the fun in it. I'm happy to give everyone a laugh in their day.

@Erica, Yep, we sure do!

@kiwi, Thank you! It was a lot of fun!

@ronnie, Thanks! I had a blast.

@Susie, I did! Settling back at home today. Stories to come!