Thursday, March 10, 2011

Body Language


I will get to my vanilla rant on this topic a bit later, but you are all tuning in for spanking talk so we'll start there.

Body language. This is an important thing to be able to interpret, especially in the spanko world. So much of what we do involves non-verbal communication. We all have heard the saying actions speak louder than words. Reading one's signals can be tricky, especially when playing with someone new. Although there's certainly no replacement for discussion between both parties as to what both want to get from their experience, picking up on those non-verbal signals is also key.




Personally, I hate asking for a spanking. I don't know if others have this issue, but I just hate it. I know that noone's a mindreader (especially men, I mean, come on) ;-) so I tend to let my body language and attitude do the talking. The picture on the right isn't directly related but I found it quite funny, so there ya go. If a woman is ready to stab you with a fork, she's not happy. Body language lesson learned.

Does that mean if I'm really pissed off that I'm looking to be spanked? No, I'm just really pissed off. Lol. But a more playful pouting? Yes, that can be a signal. Knowing the difference is where that tricky part comes into play.







Am I listening to you?










Is your scolding having an effect on me?






Well, of course. I always listen. You don't have to laugh THAT loud, sheesh... If I smile or giggle while being scolded or even spanked, does that mean I'm not taking it seriously? Not necessarily. It's usually just nerves. Everyone is different though. I've heard terms like "consensual non consent" (confusing, I know) that refers to both parties being in agreement about spanking taking place even though one may be resistant to it at the moment. The better you know your play partner, the easier it becomes to know what makes them tick and what really is a signal. And of course, I'm speaking from a bottom's perspective but it's important to pick up on a top's body language too. Believe it or not, they aren't always in the mood. I know, crazy right? So one needs to learn when THE LOOK means "you are so getting it" or when it means "cut it out, really."




Now to my vanilla rant. This is what made me originally think about this subject. I have two words for you- elevator chatter. Yay or nay? I cannot comprehend why people can't just be quiet for the 10 second ride from the first floor to the fourth. What drives people to feel the need to have to fill up every possible silence with useless chit chat? My body language could not be a clearer sign that I don't want to talk to you.



I'm purposely not making eye contact. I'm doing anything to appear busy while being in the elevator. Looking at my watch. Digging through my purse when I'm not really needing anything. Faux texting on my phone. The faux texting is used at the mall too, I mean who doesn't want to avoid those freaking mall kiosk vendors that you are forced to walk by to get from one end to the other?






But alas, people just aren't getting it. Nearly every time, someone feels the need to say "can you believe the weather out there?" or god forbid, "wow, how tall are you?" Oh, I'm tall? Really? Thanks for telling me, I never was aware of that! But that's a whole different subject... The comedian Kevin James has a funny stand up bit about what he calls "the chatter people". He talks about how you can always pick them out, how they always seem really happy to be wherever they are, and you know when they are going to approach you while you think "oh no, he's coming to me, he is coming to me." Lol. So true...

This ignorance of my body language is a constant annoyance, especially at the workplace. So the point is, if we're sharing an elevator ride, shut your trap! Lol. This is probably sounding completely antisocial here, but if I know people, I love to talk. For 15 seconds with strangers in an elevator however, no conversation is necessary. Just stare at those floor buttons until it arrives where you get off. Just one more motivation to use the stairs...



I hope my words have touched someone out there, and the next time you are in an elevator you will think of me and your mouth will stay closed. :-)

16 comments:

Ursus Lewis said...

I don't like to talk in elevators either, usually. But next time I see you I'll ask you "Wow, how tall are you?". And yes, you are right. Not all tops are always in the mood. And there is definitely behavior which would never result in a spanking by me. If it annoys me, that's it.

Anonymous said...

Well...thank goodness there are no elevators at the April Weekend Party! I would be in big trouble. Not that I like to talk ever really. I smile more than I talk.

Actually, I have been told that I always look like a cat that has swallowed the canary. Which means I look like I am up to some kind of mischief I guess. So not true. (giggles)

So...lea...you don't like asking for a spanking...interesting. I am not sure whether I ever have asked to be spanked...(racking my brain). Nope. Never have. At least not verbally outright that is. (giggles) The Tops are always tellig me that I am asking for a spanking though. Or that I look like I need a spanking. (sigh) Another typical Top response.

Yeah, so I guess I use the body language thing more than I do talk. Hmmmm....is that why I am always getting spanked? Maybe, I should start to talk more. (giggles)

bree

Lea said...

@ Urs, do you get the height comments ALL the time? Or do I hear it more because I'm a female and it's less common? So annoying... If you ask me how tall I am do I get one free smack at you? ;-)

@ bree, exactly who needs to ask? They find enough reasons on their own. Fictional or otherwise. Lol.

Anonymous said...

@Lea, do they give out "spank a Top for free" cards? If so, where do I get some?

bree

Anonymous said...

@Lea, I don't mean to get off topic or anything here, but I have voted in your poll and my vote isn't showing up as being tabulated. I voted for the FES, yet it doesn't show up. Is that why the strap has no votes either then? Something is wrong.

bree

Lea said...

@ bree, indeed you are right about the poll. I just tried it myself and it didn't give a vote to the FES. Hmm... Not sure how to fix it. I think we are safe to assume it had near the lowest amount of votes though. Lol.

Ursus Lewis said...

@lea
You know what happens if you smack me, I don't have to tell you. And my opinion on the poll is, you manipulated it, so FES won't get any votes! Interesting...

Lea said...

@ Urs, no no no! I did not manipulate the poll! I even tried to go into the settings to see if it could be fixed but there's not an option to do anything other than remove it.

Anonymous said...

@Lea Sorry I didn't mean for this to happen! All I wanted was the poll thing-a-magiger to be fixed. (sigh) Thank you for fixing it.

Anonymous said...

@Lea Sorry that was me in the above post. I got flustered and forgot to sign my name.

Oh by the way, love the SCONY Mountain Weekend countdown.

bree

dieselpunk007 said...

FINALLY! Someone said what we all wanted to say in the elevator! "SHUT UP ALREADY!" lmao! Because of my job, I stay in countless hotels, and one of my biggest pet peeves is when random guests start up a conversation in the elevator. Srsly, I just spent 6 hours behind the wheel of a Peterbilt, all I want is a shower, food, and maybe a frosty beverage. I don't want to have to make small talk to people I don't know and likely will never see again. There are exceptions to every rule of course....if a pretty woman inquires about my ball cap with the embroidered letters "OTK" on the side, and says something like "I really like your hat! Where did you get it?" I will most likely waive the no elevator chatter rule, and gladly tell her! ;)

I just kinda stumbled here! Great work, lil one!

Rayne said...

My problem seems to be that many Tops associate "shy" or "embarrassed" body language with "being uncomfortable," and that is simply not true for me!

If I am truly uncomfortable, I will look more like one of the two lovely yellow-tank-topped ladies on the right of your diagram (arms crossed or brandishing a fork!). On the other hand, the shy and embarrassed body language only comes out when I feel comfortable enough with someone to let it! :D

Lea said...

@ dieselpunk007, glad to find another who is on my side! I didn't want to come off sounding too antisocial. Hehe.

@ Rayne, I will steer clear of you at the weekend if you're holding a fork. Lol. I hear you on the acting shy or embarrassed, that happens to me too.

joeyred51 said...

Lea. I really love your blog! Also, your fun comments on the SCONY chat site.

wordsmith said...

Now this is straight naughty Lea, a bit of polite conversation never hurt anyone. My you are tall.

Lea said...

@ joey, thank you! I'm glad you've enjoyed reading.

@ wordsmith, but it does hurt. It hurts my brain to have to communicate further when I'm just trying to get out of my office and on with the weekend. Lol.

An update on the vanilla rant in this post. After I wrote this I had successfully avoided elevator chatter/height comments for the week. Now it's Friday, 5:00, trying to leave the office. I get stuck in the elevator with this guy who just HAS to say "Wow, how tall are you?" Grrr!