Thursday, July 28, 2011

Pain- It's All Relative

When I think back to what I consider to be my most severe spankings, the physical pain of the spanking is really not something I remember well. Sure, they all hurt to some degree. There are times where I've had bruises for several weeks after. I remember that, but comparing one spanking to the next purely based on the physical intensity of it is really difficult to do. What I remember most is how I was feeling during the spanking. How the spanker acted and what they were feeling. The reason behind the spanking.

It mostly comes down to my headspace. It greatly affects how I perceive pain and sometimes how much I can take. I've seen discussions about which implements are the worst and I think each person's individual headspace and perception skews their view on that. It's like comparing apples to oranges. There is no right answer.

Spanking as foreplay, for example, could be relatively hard but it's not going to seem that way to me because my mind is focused on err... other things. Therefore I may be able to take a harder spanking than I normally would because the pain doesn't seem bad. The same can apply to any more playful spanking. Playful doesn't equal light. The mood is light but the spanking may or may not be. But my mind and body react to that differently than to a discipline spanking.

A discipline spanking is always the most severe in my mind. The reasons for the spanking differ, but it is usually for something more serious. When I'm in a discipline headspace, I'm more sensitive to everything that is going on. My nerves are on end, the words of the top really pierce through me, and the physical intensity of the spanking may be perceived as worse than it really is because I'm feeling everything more deeply. Being in that headspace is also when I'm more likely to cry. That doesn't happen often, but when it does I find it to be much more related to my headspace and emotional state than to the actual physical pain from the spanking.

What are your thoughts? Do you find that your perception of pain and pain tolerance are closely related to your emotional state/headspace?


bree512 said...

Do you find that your perception of pain and pain tolerance are closely related to your emotional state/headspace?

Yes, most definitely!

I agree with you Lea on all your points and perceptions in this post. Let me give you an example. Normally I can take a really hard spanking no matter what kind of spanking it is. The last spanking party I went to my mind was riddled with self doubt about a lot of real life situations. I mean it was over the Top stuff for me. More than I usually could bear. I normally can focus on putting all those things aside and usually when I am spanked the first time of the night, I can find that space in my head that is my calming center of relief and peace. Not this time though. I was so sensitive to everything. Hand, paddle, strap, etc., no matter what I was being spanked with it felt too hard. So I tried saying yellow. That didn't work. No matter how soft anyone spanked me that night, I was saying yellow very soon and red came up more than once. I had only said yellow and/or red a few times before this night.I surpassed my total of using these safewords that night.It got better toward the end of the night, but the last spanking. Whoa! I lost it. Why? Because I wasn't focused on the correct things while being spanked. My better judgement failed me that night. I had none. I should not have been there. I wasn't looking out for myself the way I should have been and it wasn't any of the Tops fault. No one could have saved me from myself that night. I was not a good spankee that night. Never happened to me before.

Should I just have sat on the sidelines that night. I wish I could have, but there were extenuating circumstances that prevented me from doing that this night. I felt an obligation to people I promised to play with ahead of time and I don't think it's honorable to back out of a spanking after I had bratted to these Tops and/or did something wrong that warranted a spanking. I put my honor first(what little I have left) ahead of my capacity to deal with it emotionally. The only good decision I made was not to play with someone I didn't already have an obligation to play with that night. I also told all of them except two that I was feeling overly sensitive that night.

I think maybe I should have just taken the chance that I would have lost my honor with myself. Because I know if I told any of these Tops I would have to postpone the spankings, I am quite sure they would have acquiesced.

By the way, I spanked one person that night and this holds true for Topping someone as well. You bottoms forget too often about the other side of it when asking questions or posting something.

So getting into ones correct head space for a spanking, whether you be a spanker or a spankee, and/or ones emotional state has a lot to do with how well you take a spanking or give a spanking and endure the pain or feel it or enjoy it. Yes.

kiwigirliegirl said...

oh I so totally agree with you Lea. It is all about headspace. We can have play spankings which hurt but the discipline spankings no matter how severe or soft they always hurt because of my emotions - the telling off, the lecture, the guilt - and sometimes the admission of guilt when i have to own up to something is where it starts for me.
And also how quickly my HOH reacts to a wrongdoing. For example Wednesday night grocery shopping for me - I broke the budget rule. He asked me about it, i made a bit of a fuss but finally told him, and for the first time ever he punished me immediately for it. I wasnt expecting it. It was about 10 lashes of the cane - good ones - but I was sobbing at the end of it, I couldnt look at him, I couldnt move and I didnt even want the hugs afterwards - not for a while at any rate - because I felt - well punished for breaking the rule. It wasnt until the next day that I felt completely contrite and submissive though - and thats when I went to him. I was saying sorry sorry throughout the spanking but only because I wanted it to stop becuase it hurt so much. It ws the next day I could open my heart and give a whole heartedly felt apology.
So yes, definately headsace is where its all at. For me anyway.
Great post and good topic to discuss :)

Lea said...

@bree, thank you for your insight. "You bottoms forget too often about the other side of it when asking questions or posting something." I am a bottom and it is my blog so things are written from my perspective. Anyone who is a top and wants to share their thoughts on a subject are welcome to do so. I don't know that pain tolerance specifically affects a top much, unless we are talking about their hand. And if their hands do hurt, I don't feel that bad for them. Just sayin'. ;-)

@kiwigirliegirl, there definitely are times where it takes a while to totally sink in. Didn't people tell you to be careful what you wish for? :-)

Erica said...

Absolutely, pain is relative and conditional on many factors other than the physical.

It is amazing to me, what I can take when my head is in the right place, when I'm with someone I trust and with whom I have great chemistry. The same treatment in a worse mood, with the wrong person, would be intolerable. Is it willingness? Endorphins? I have no idea.

bree512 said...

@Lea There is physical pain and mental pain. You didn't specify which Lea. Sometimes I think the mental pain is worse than the physical pain.

I can't speak for other Tops, but when I am spanking someone, if I am not in the correct head space or I am emotional about something that happened or is happening with the spanking, I will feel my perception of pain in my muscles is felt quicker and I get tired more quickly. I then want to stop the spanking quicker than I normally would or I won't spank at all. When everything is clicking there is no pain either physical or mental. The endorphins take over and I feel stronger and enjoy the experience.

I know. You don't care. Don't know why I bother to try to explain.

I give up.

Next you will be telling me I am out of shape or I should use Sports Cream for my aching muscles or I shouldn't be spanking anyone at all.

Spanking is a two way street you know.

Anonymous said...

Lea and Bree,
Thank you both for your wonderful insights. The both of you are very special people and I have learned an enormous amount from reading your comments and talking to you at parties. I have the utmost respect for both of you and do care what you say.

Kiwi and Erica,
Great comments. Thanks.

Lea said...

@Erica, I'm not sure what it is either but I totally agree with you.

@bree, "Spanking is a two way street you know." Absolutely, I didn't say otherwise. In my original post I was thinking more about physical pain in relation to headspace, but everyone is free to share their perspective on it.

@joey, thank you!

findingsara said...

Lea, pain is absolutley related to head space...and hormones too, btw. But "bruises several weeks afterwards"???...sounds like a beating not a spanking. That kind of comment is worrisome to me. Did you really mean that?


sarah thorne said...

Well, I may be redundant here, but I concur with the others. I think it's been fairly well established, in comments here as well as readings over the years, that pain is certainly subject to headspace or emotional state. I have found, like someone else said, that hormones have played a role as well. Even if my headspace is not one that is too off, my hormones have made me much more sensitive to tactile sensations altogether, including painful ones.

@sara, I've had bruises that have lasted more than a week. I have also had marks that lasted months (from a switch). "Beating" is a relative term as well! :-D I know one girl who bruises VERY easily and they hang around for weeks, but the severity of the spanking she got was really not that bad and would not mark me at all.


Lea said...

@findingsara, Yes I can have bruises take a few weeks to fade. My skin is just really sensitive, when I was new to all this I'd bruise just from a hand. No need to worry though, all spankings have been within my tolerance.

@sarah thorne, I've definitely felt changes in hormones affect my play as well. It sounds like I have something in common with your friend, I'm far from a hard player but marks just like stick around for a while with me.

Daisychain said...

Yes, Lea, I agree that headspace is mainly what determines how much I can take. His as well as mine. If he is upset with me over something, I can feel his pain and disappointment, and it is an unbearable burden. To make him sad? That hurts me far more than the physical pain of any spanking. xxx

eileen061209 said...

Yes. lea, I must say that from my experience, my mood or state of mind [having fun, really like the top(s) and the situation, a bit anxious to very apprehensive] most definitely colors my perception of pain during a consensual spanking.

However, it is true that there is one particular circumstance where this doesn't seem to be relevant. If the FES were applied by its proprietor immediately after I learned of winning the State Lottery, it would still result in an extensive amount of shrieking and a blanket of pain.

Lea said...

@Daisychain, thanks for reading! I agree that sensing disappointment is the worst.

@eileen, true, the FES is a good mood killer.