Sunday, February 12, 2012

Death To Bathbrushes!

I hate a lot of implements. To the point where saying I hate them may have little meaning anymore. But I really, really hate bathbrushes! Arggh! I have two of them, one of which is that round headed brush from Walmart that every other spanko on Earth seems to have. That thing is awful. I think the fact that it's round makes it worse because it's just the right shape to get into every little area. I am all for the cause of saving the trees and banning wooden implements. Who is with me?? And we need to send the already existing ones back to nature. Ideas?

The other night, I got home and was eating dinner. I don't recall exactly what the conversation we were having was about, but J was being intentionally annoying. He just kept persisting with it and was really bugging me and I cursed him out over it. (I know some top is going to read into this and think that's my way of saying "It's not my fault," but I'm just setting up the context here so back off! :-P) Now normally he doesn't care about cursing (lucky for me, lol), but it's a matter of context and it's not supposed to be directed at him.

So he wasn't too happy about that. When I went back into the bedroom, he was sitting there with the bathbrush out. As the little voice in my head cursed again. He had me bend over the bed and started spanking me with his hand. Quickly my pants and panties came down and I laid down on the bed. He continued with his hand for a minute then switched to the bathbrush. Ugh, I hate it! He kept spanking right on the sit-spots as he asked if I understood why I shouldn't do what I did. Being in such a compromising position, one might think I would just say yes. But I wasn't feeling very agreeable. I said that it wasn't fair for him to do things to intentionally annoy me and not expect me to react.

He didn't seem to like that answer. He spanked even harder with the bathbrush as I tried to keep myself from completely rolling over out of position. He told me that I can react but should find a more appropriate way to express myself. After another volley of smacks to the sit-spot, I was slightly more agreeable. God, that thing freaking hurts. He didn't believe me quite yet though and still kept at it as I kicked my legs and voiced my distress. Eventually he eased up and stopped. He rubbed my bottom for a moment and hugged me. Fine, I'll try to use "jerk" instead of "asshole" in the future. But I think we can all see what the real solution to this is- bonfire.


Sara said...

Burn it! (and yeah...consider a vocabulary upgrade ;) ) Sara

Dragon's Rose said...

Don't burn it! He may replace it with a plexiglass paddle. Those things are wicked! Dragon reserves that one for only the worst punishments. Hate HATE that thing.

sarah thorne said... vote is firewood. It's winter and using it would be quite resourceful!

And what's wrong with asshole? I mean, sometimes ya gotta call a spade a spade!! :-D


Anonymous said...

Hate it Lea! Sarah is right. Firewood.

Another solution, a top should experience a spanking with each implement before they use it. The only flaw in that suggestion is that it is too logical. And, we all know that tops are not logical.

Great post.


bree said...

I never use to hate wood, but now I do all of a sudden. It is getting close to plastic for me. PLastic is A HUGE LIMIT for me. Hmmmm....plastic, wood....plastic, wood. I think I will keep the wood just in case I need some fuel for the fireplace (dogs like to chew on wood, right) and just keep on throwing the plastic in the recycling bin. :)

kiwigirliegirl said...

Im up for the bonfire - poor Lea sorry you got into trouble...
love and hugs kiwi xxx

Lea said...

@Sara, I like that we're on the same track. :-)

@Dragon's Rose, Oh I don't like the sound of that at all!

@sarah, I know, right?

@joey, Ha, nope they don't always seem to be too logical.

@bree, I'm with you on being anti-plastic. I've learned that plastic, metal, and rubber is a hard limit for me. Hmm... that seems to leave wood. Damn!

@kiwi, Maybe we can throw two tails into the bonfire as well!

Susie said...

SHHHHH...the bath brush is hiding. I'm not allowed to build random fires.

eileen061209 said...

My dearest lea, you never cease to amaze me. Only you could convince me that mass quantities of swearing from the mouth of a young woman and the consumption of Jack Daniels are commonplace activities in the state of Utah. Only you.

To express my absolute agreement with you, let me say that I was thrilled last week when a gentleman caller [with a SCONY seal of approval] became so engaged with a cane and my bare bottom that he overlooked the bath brush [Walmart---oval head, wooden] in my array of implements.

I would love to contribute my bath brush and an ugly lilac, acrylic Goody hairbrush to somebody's bonfire!

Newt said...

I think, in a good show of charity... you should gather all hated implements and donate them to Top's In Need.(TIN) A small organization seeking to outfit Top stricken by hardship in this downward econony.

This message approved by the Newt Kai foundation, "Saving one bum at at time since 2010!"

Emily said...

Aw. I hate that you hate it. Am I the only one lovin the bathbrush?

Lea said...

@Susie, I hope it stays hidden for you. ;-)

@eileen, Yep that stupid Walmart one, everyone seems to have it. I wouldn't mind getting rid of some hairbrushes either.

@Newt, Ha! What a great idea! I have a whole idea for a telethon for tops, but that's another post. ;-)

@Emily, You seem to be in the minority out of the commenters here, but to each their own!

ronnie said...

Burn burn burn them and you can mine to add to the pile please.

Loved your post

Marne said...

Yes, Lea! Start the bonfire, throw in the bathbrushes, and I'll add a certain Top's Brat Whacker! (It hurts just to think of it...)

Anonymous said...

Let's rename them "deathbrushes".

Now let's toss them all into the ocean. No evidence left behind. They just mysteriously "disappear".

Your next post can be "Bath to Deathbrushes!"

(jeez, I'm tired!)


Lea said...

@ronnie, I'll be happy to add yours to the pile!

@Marne, Ooh I think I know the exact Brat Whacker you are referring to. I agree, throw it in!

@Regan, Ha! The problem with the ocean is that certain swamp wandering folks with finger-toed footwear may dive in and retrieve them.

Anonymous said...

lea -good thought, even the SSA has a fireplace full of wooden paddles. The thought of burning the wooden paddles is universal. However, wooden paddles have been around for ever, my Mother used one on me when I was a kid.
Butt they apply such a nice reddening and sting to the bottom to get their attention faster then anything else.


Lea said...

@Charles, Hello and welcome! I don't know about it getting attention faster than *anything* else, but I must admit they are quite effective.

A.S.S. said...

Ha... we should send you one of our ~plastic~ bathbrushes...
~Todd and Suzy

Lea said...

@Todd and Suzy, Ouch I don't like the sound of that!