Thursday, February 2, 2012

Lost In Translation

Here's the thing with tops. Sometimes when they talk, I just start to hear this:


I do usually hear what they are saying. I really do! But we all know that hearing and listening are two different things, don't we? I think it was in Pulp Fiction where Uma Thurman asks John Travolta, "In conversation, do you listen or wait to talk?" I admit that sometimes in a "discussion" with a top, I just wait to talk. I always have to end up agreeing with them anyway so I wait for a pause and insert "Yes sir," "No, sir," "I'm sorry ma'am," "I won't do it again," etc. That doesn't mean I don't mean it when I say it, but it doesn't mean that I'm necessarily paying attention to everything they are saying either. 

And do I really need to? It's so often repeated I can pretty much have the conversation with myself in my head without the top even needing to be there! Stop cursing. Stop being sarcastic. Stop being a smartass. Is there anything I AM allowed to do? Be a good girl. Oh right, that one. Yes, it can blend together after a while. It's all a matter of perception really. Here is what I choose to take away from some of these "discussions." 

Top says: Don't curse.
I hear: Don't get caught cursing.

Top says: Don't be a wise guy.
I hear: Be more subtle with the smartass comments.

Top says: Go to bed.
I hear: Get off the computer and browse Fetlife from my phone in bed instead.

Top says: Don't make fun of my favorite sports team.
I hear: Make more jokes about their sports team, it's getting to them.

Top says: You're about to have a very red and sore bottom.
I hear: This would be the time to start running.

Perception. How do they expect me to listen to them anyway after all the abuse my poor ears have taken?


Susie said...

So what do you think would happen if I turned the tables and started mumbling like Charlie Brown's teacher during a spanking that I know is coming tonight? Mumbling in response to a question that I'm supposed to answer with intelligible words.

LOL, I'll let you know how it goes...

Anonymous said...


This is so funny. Your poor ears; I have never seen someones ears suffer as much as yours, but not just from verbal comments. I am not sure if your bottom or your ears are redder after an encounter with a top.

Another hilarious post. Well done.


Erica said...

LOL! Brilliant!

Did you ever see the Far Side cartoon about how, no matter what humans say, all dogs hear is "blah blah blah, Ginger, blah blah blah"? Not that we're dogs, but the analogy is the same.

When tops tell me don't do this, stop that, etc., my standard reply is "May I breathe??"

Anonymous said...

Agreed! It's a crying shame that we can't turn things around on the Tops and use their favorite line on them: WHAT DID YOU SAY?!!!


Kaki said...

Do they really think we aren't going to agree with them, eventually. Just be careful not to say, "yes" when the answer should be "no".

Bobbie Jo said...

How funny! I suppose you just have to watch what you say when a top has you "over a barrel." However,some tend to sound like a broken record. I have actually had some professors who sounded like that.

Lea said...

@Susie, Ha, I can imagine the outcome but please keep me posted. ;-)

@joey, Thanks! I'm not sure which ends up redder either! Hmmph!

@Erica, Haha, yes I have seen that one. And watch out for the breathing thing, I've been spanked for that too. *rolls eyes*

@Regan, Well you could say that, but "you just do that and let me know how it works out for you." ;-)

@Kaki, That's a good point. Going on auto pilot could prove to be dangerous!

@Bobbie Jo, Maybe the professors are tops too. I actually had this Charlie Brown video running through my head today during an all day long class for work. Wa wa wa wa wa...

Anonymous said...

When they ask, "Did you hear what I said?" your reply should be, "Why, weren't you listening either?"


Ursus Lewis said...

Be careful. The counter says 69 days...

sarah thorne said...

hahaha....I swear, that is EXACTLY what I hear when a lecture starts!!


Newt said...

I squeaked when I saw your first paragraph. Hand to Pinot Noir, I swear. I must use that whaawhhhaw on Suitor on a daily basis when he is home.
I am not alone. LOL.

Your list made me snort laugh.
To freaking true!!!!

still laughing,

Lea said...

@Cindy, Hehe that's a good one! Of course one has to always consider if something is funny enough that it's worth the cost of saying. I find that sometimes it is, sometimes it's not. But I usually do it anyway!

@Urs, Yes, I'm aware of the countdown clock. Come on, have a sense of humor! O:-)

@sarah, I know, right? It must be some kind of phenomenon. Tops go to classes on how to perfect the skill of not making sense...

@Newt, No, you aren't alone at all! Glad you enjoyed it!

A.S.S. said...

Ha... someone needs to ask Lea follow-up questions during her scoldings, and not the 'yes/no' types. And WHY should you not cuss young lady (and "because I get spanked when I get caught" wont work for you... lol).

Cute post!
~Todd and Suzy

Lea said...

@Todd and Suzy, Darn you totally stole what my response would've been! ;-)