Thursday, December 8, 2011

Spanking Carols! (Part 1)

During last year's holiday season, some friends and I turned nearly every Christmas tune into a spanking parody. But this involved me, so of course the Peeps could not be left out. "Peep" rhymes with "tree" and it just went downhill from there. So here is my little song to the tune of O Christmas Tree, followed by a few others I wrote.


O Christmas Peep

O Christmas Peep! O Christmas Peep!
You are so very tasty;
O Christmas Peep! O Christmas Peep!
You are so very tasty;
Not only trees when winter's here,
But also chicks at Easter.
O Christmas Peep! O Christmas Peep!
You are so very tasty!

O Christmas Peep! O Christmas Peep!
You are so very sugary;
O Christmas Peep! O Christmas Peep!
You are so very sugary;
How often has the Christmas Peep
Afforded all the greatest glee!
O Christmas Peep! O Christmas Peep!
You are so very sugary!

O Christmas Peep! O Christmas Peep!
Your colors shine so brightly!
O Christmas Peep! O Christmas Peep!
Your colors shine so brightly!
From green to pink, yellow and white,
There's only splendor for the sight.
O Christmas Peep! O Christmas Peep!
Your colors shine so brightly!

O Christmas Peep! O Christmas Peep!
How good Just Born has made thee!
O Christmas Peep! O Christmas Peep!
How good Just Born has made thee!
You know who the true and faithful be,
We love our Peeps unchangingly.
O Christmas Peep! O Christmas Peep!
How good Just Born has made thee!

The Twelve Days Of Christmas (Lea style)
On the first day of Christmas my true love gave to me
 a spanking over his knee
 On the second day of Christmas my true love gave to me
 Two burning cheeks
 And a spanking over his knee
 On the third day of Christmas my true love gave to me
Three scoldings
 Two burning cheeks
 And a spanking over his knee
 On the fourth day of Christmas my true love gave to me
Four leather straps
Three scoldings
Two burning cheeks
And a spanking over his knee

On the fifth day of Christmas my true love gave to me
Five bars of soap
Four leather straps
Three scoldings
Two burning cheeks
And a spanking over his knee

On the sixth day of Christmas my true love gave to me
Six canes-a-swishing
Five bars of soap
Four leather straps
Three scoldings
Two burning cheeks
And a spanking over his knee

On the seventh day of Christmas my true love gave to me
Seven swats-a-standing
Six canes-a-swishing
Five bars of soap
Four leather straps
Three scoldings
Two burning cheeks
And a spanking over his knee

On the eighth day of Christmas my true love gave to me
Eight belts-a-swinging
Seven swats-a-standing
Six canes-a-swishing
Five bars of soap
Four leather straps
Three scoldings
Two burning cheeks
And a spanking over his knee

On the ninth day of Christmas my true love gave to me
Nine hairbrushes
Eight belts-a-swinging
Seven swats-a-standing
Six canes-a-swishing
Five bars of soap
Four leather straps
Three scoldings
Two burning cheeks
And a spanking over his knee

On the tenth day of Christmas my true love gave to me
Ten tears-a-streaming
Nine hairbrushes
Eight belts-a-swinging
Seven swats-a-standing
Six canes-a-swishing
Five bars of soap
Four leather straps
Three scoldings
Two burning cheeks
And a spanking over his knee

On the eleventh day of Christmas my true love gave to me
Eleven wooden paddles
Ten tears-a-streaming
Nine hairbrushes
Eight belts-a-swinging
Seven swats-a-standing
Six canes-a-swishing
Five bars of soap
Four leather straps
Three scoldings
Two burning cheeks
And a spanking over his knee

On the twelfth day of Christmas my true love gave to me
Twelve minutes in the corner
Eleven wooden paddles
Ten tears-a-streaming
Nine hairbrushes
Eight belts-a-swinging
Seven swats-a-standing
Six canes-a-swishing
Five bars of soap
Four leather straps
Three scoldings
Two burning cheeks
And a spanking over his knee

Spanking Christmas
(to the tune of White Christmas)
I'm dreaming of a spanking Christmas
Just like the ones I used to know
Where the tops say "Listen!"
And bottoms glisten
Their heat melting all the snow

I'm dreaming of a spanking Christmas
With every apology card I write
Where the day brings "sorries" and feeling contrite
And a bottom glowing bright

I'm dreaming of a spanking Christmas
A top with a long list in sight
While their day may be merry and bright
My bottom will be burning all night!

18 comments:

ronnie said...

Your brilliant at these.

My favourite is the 12 days of Christmas.

Thanks Lea.

Love,
Ronnie
xx

joeyred51 said...

A Christmas tree made from peeps. LOL. Very cute.

Terrific songs Lea. Well done.

joey

Erica said...

You are so freaking brilliant with these parodies! :-D

Jane said...

Love them! :-)

sixofthebest said...

Excellent Lea, Excellent. Your Christmas Carol's would deserve 'six of the best' from me.

alex reynolds said...

You're awesome at this! I am especially fond of your peeps song, because it is too damn adorable!

Pink said...

Come sing these at my house! Please? I'll give you hot cocoa with miniature peeps.

:)

Lea said...

@ronnie, Thank you! I'm just noticing that my first 3 days of Christmas aren't properly spaced and Blogger won't let me edit it. Grr...

@joey, Wish I'd been the one to make the tree, but can't take credit for that. Lol. Thanks.

@Erica, Thank you! I know how you get sick of the holidays but if we make it all about spanking then it's acceptable, right? ;-)

@Jane, Glad you liked it and thanks for stopping by!

@sixofthebest, Hmm I don't know that a caning is a reward for clever song writing. Lol. Tune in for Part 2, I have Carol of the Canes coming up.

@alex, Why thank you! That's one of my favorites as no other spanking blog has written about Peeps that I've seen. ;-)

@Pink, Omg, I so wish there were mini Peeps sold for hot chocolate! Hehe. I absolutely would if I was closer. :-)

sarah thorne said...

These are most excellent! You are so creative - I suck at coming up with stuff like this; it takes me forever! And I didn't know they made Christmas tree peeps!

Oh, and mini peeps for hot chocolate? You should write the company with that idea, and you may get what you ask for!

Sarah

SublimeWifey said...

I think I might just ask hubby for The Twelve Days of Christmas this year (minus the soap, maybe 5 well-tied ropes). Thanks for the inspiration!,

Dave Wolfe said...

Bob Rivers can't hold a Christmas candle to you, Lea! Or, I dunno, maybe you'd want him too? Although, in my opinion, hot wax is not as good as hot whacks.

Adding my praise here-- a fine job, and I'll make copies and hand them out to the choir for the show!!

Lea said...

@sarah, Thanks! That is a good idea, I must write to the Peeps people before another holiday passes with no mini Peeps. It's just not right.

@SublimeWifey, Good call on the soap. Blech! Thanks for stopping by!

@Dave Wolfe, Thank you! That's a choir show I'd like to see. And no thanks on the wax. ;-)

Michael said...

Wonderful parodies, Lea! Who would have thought Christmas Tree could have been turned into Christmas Peep. BRILLIANT!!!

Lea said...

@Michael, Thank you! Spankos have a way of being able to make anything about spanking. I can do the same thing to relate stuff to Peeps. ;-)

Sara said...

Lea, I'm sorry I'm late to the party...but these were lots of fun...what a talent! :) Sara

Lea said...

@Sarah, Thanks! I'm glad you enjoyed them!

Dioneo said...

Fantastic! You have a true talent for these. Who knew Peeps could be such an inspiration for artistry?

Lea said...

@Dioneo, Thank you! Peeps are indeed great inspiration! ;-)