Sunday, August 19, 2012

Being Polyspankerous: What I Like About Having Multiple Partners

Polyamorous (adj.)- pertaining to participation in multiple and simultaneous loving or sexual relationships.              

"Polyamorous" is a pretty widely used term in the kink world but I added the definition to preface the rest of this. Not too long ago, I saw a blog comment by Erica Scott  where she dubbed the term "being polyspankerous" to describe having multiple spanking partners.   I really liked that description and quickly created it as a fetish on FetLife. It now has 41 followers so I'm clearly not the only one who liked it. 

In the online world of spanking, I've observed a divide of 2 big groups as far as spankos go. Those who are in monogamous, often DD, relationships and the polyspankerous folks. Not that there's anything wrong with that, to quote Jerry Seinfeld. We all have our own thing and that's cool. I find pondering on the differences in people to be interesting, which is partly why I'm writing about this. 

Even during my marriage, I was in the polyspankerous group. When I discovered the online world of adult spanking and that there were others out there who thought like me, I was ecstatic. And I wanted to meet these people. Like, right away. Lol. But it didn't happen quite so quickly. First I had to get past the hurdle of sharing my spanking interest with my husband who had no idea up to that point outside of a little bedroom play. In part of those initial conversations, I shared that there were spanking groups out there and various information I'd gathered online about the spanking lifestyle.

It was understandably a lot to take in. Once we got to the point of him spanking me, things then eased into conversations about how some of these groups had parties. And that I'd like to be involved in these parties and meet these people. Oh yeah, and I'd maybe like to get spanked by some of them too. It took a lot of communication to get to a certain comfort level with that. He didn't really want to hear about what happened or even think about it, but he was okay with me going to do that because he trusted me and knew I'd stay within pre-discussed limits.      

Initially, I thought a lot about my own comfort level with this whole idea. How weird was this going to be to have someone other than my husband touching me? (My own body image issues that came up in all of this are a whole different story.) The group I was getting involved with, SCONY, stressed that it was for platonic spanking, which was exactly what I was wanting. But I still wondered, would it really be? How comfortable am I going to be with being partially clothed across someone else's lap?

I came to the conclusion that even if I didn't get spanked by anyone, I still really wanted to meet these people. I already felt comfortable with many of them after talking online for months and months prior to my first party. So I ventured off alone to the first of many parties. And I'm so glad I did. The experience was beyond my highest expectations. The people were great and friendly, enough that I came out of my shy shell quicker than expected. I also did get spanked by several different people and it all went well. It was all so.. comfortable. It didn't feel creepy or weird like I'd worried about.

I was hooked! I really enjoy being able to have experiences with different people. I think of spanking partners like I do friends. You have more than one friend, right? Can one person meet every need that you have? Is it so wrong to have several people who meet different needs for you? I don't have one friend who shares every single interest and wants to do everything with me all the time. But I have Friend A who will get sushi with me. Friends B and C are always down to go bar-hopping. Friend D loves to see every new movie that comes out. With everyone combined, I have a companion for all my interests.

I'm definitely a discipline-minded spanko, but I still like participating in other areas of the spanking realm as well. Top A can give me a really good mindfuck when I need to be in that headspace, but what if I'm not in the mood for that? I might want something a bit more light-hearted and fun and Top B and I can always make each other laugh, so I enjoy playing with him for those kinds of spankings. I may enjoy a more sensual spanking with Top C and then there's Top D for when I want some handcuffs to come into play.

I am sort of an equal opportunity spankee in that I'm not strict as to only playing with one gender or only playing with people who don't switch, for example. But that doesn't mean I'll play with any Tom, Dick, or Mary I run into. I still have my own preferences and "vetting" process, so to speak. The list of people I've played with isn't super long. There does need to be some sort of connection between me and the top and a lot of communication about what we're both wanting so that we're on the same page.

I want to reiterate that I'm not knocking anyone who is in a one partner- one spanker relationship. If that works for you, that's great. If the idea of spanking/being spanked by someone other than your partner isn't comfortable for you, well, it doesn't have to be. You don't have to do it. For myself, I enjoy playing with different people. I consider myself fortunate to have found even one person, much less several, who are good tops and enjoy spanking me as well. Variety is the spice of life, after all! ;-)


Anonymous said...


Great expression: Polyspankerous. I am going to add it to my FL profile. I really like playing with many partners as a bottom or top. Each person is very unique in style. The variety of partners makes spanking much more fun for me as well.

I have had a similar conversation with LD as well. Fortunately, SCONY's protocol makes me feel comfortable. And, I have discussed the protocols with LD. It takes a lot of trust in a relationship to make this type of play possible.

Yesterday, I was having a conversation about it with LD and I said that our play parties are very conservative. It seems so counter intuitive, but our behavior code at parties makes us all feel more comfortable.

I also want to feel connected to the person before I play. I am still surprised by guys that ask someone to play before they know them.

Great topic. See you soon.


Emen said...

Very interesting read. I always like your take on TTWD and the many ways its done :)

Marne said...

Lea, you explained it perfectly! Many people ask me why I attend parties if my husband spanks me. Now I can answer, "I'm polyspankerous!"

Susie said...

It is complicated! I can't possibly imagine anyone other than my husband spanking me but I totally can wrap my head around why it works well for you. Go figure!

Lea said...

@joey, It does take a lot of trust on both sides to make it work. That's one more reason I don't know if I could date vanilla again. I don't want to have to stop all this fun! ;-)

@Emen, Glad you found it interesting!

@Marne, Yep, just pass that term around! :-)

@Susie, To each their own, as they say!

Erica said...

Like you said, to each their own, and if people choose to be monogamous with spanking, then more power to them. But for me, limiting my play to one person (especially at a spanking party) would be like going to an ice-cream parlor with all sorts of wonderful flavors, but not being allowed to order anything but chocolate, EVER. I love chocolate, but sometimes, a girl wants mint chip or strawberry, y'know?

Dave Wolfe said...

Thanks very much for sharing your particular take on this, Lea! It was fun and educational!

And here I thought "polyspankerous" had something to do with parrots. But then, this is the guy who drew the Daisy Duck spanking.

Lea said...

@Erica, Oh yeah, playing with only one person at a party would be hard for me. Having more options keeps me busier and out of trouble. Okay, maybe not the last part. ;-)

@Dave Wolfe, Parrots? Lol! Glad you found it interesting!

Ana said...

I don't any more, really, but I used to mess around for fun and/or small spankings with other play partners and leave the discipline-only spankings to D. I liked it that way because it meant that some spankings were actually fun instead of Punishment meant to completely suck.

Also, being into platonic spankings really does open up the multiple-partner angle. :)

Lea said...

@Ana, It's lovely to have some spankings that are just for fun!

Anonymous said...

Well, I learned something new today:). Thanks for explaining your take on being polyspankerous. It might be fun to be spanked by someone else.


Lea said...

@Kitty, It can be a LOT of fun! ;-)