Thursday, December 20, 2012

Spanking Carols!

I'm working on a new Christmas parody, but still have a few final touches to make on it. In the meantime, here are a few spankified Christmas tunes I shared last year. Enjoy!

During last year's holiday season, some friends and I turned nearly every Christmas tune into a spanking parody. But this involved me, so of course the Peeps could not be left out. "Peep" rhymes with "tree" and it just went downhill from there. So here is my little song to the tune of O Christmas Tree, followed by a few others I wrote.



O Christmas Peep

O Christmas Peep! O Christmas Peep!
You are so very tasty;
O Christmas Peep! O Christmas Peep!
You are so very tasty;
Not only trees when winter's here,
But also chicks at Easter.
O Christmas Peep! O Christmas Peep!
You are so very tasty!

O Christmas Peep! O Christmas Peep!
You are so very sugary;
O Christmas Peep! O Christmas Peep!
You are so very sugary;
How often has the Christmas Peep
Afforded all the greatest glee!
O Christmas Peep! O Christmas Peep!
You are so very sugary!

O Christmas Peep! O Christmas Peep!
Your colors shine so brightly!
O Christmas Peep! O Christmas Peep!
Your colors shine so brightly!
From green to pink, yellow and white,
There's only splendor for the sight.
O Christmas Peep! O Christmas Peep!
Your colors shine so brightly!

O Christmas Peep! O Christmas Peep!
How good Just Born has made thee!
O Christmas Peep! O Christmas Peep!
How good Just Born has made thee!
You know who the true and faithful be,
We love our Peeps unchangingly.
O Christmas Peep! O Christmas Peep!
How good Just Born has made thee!

The Twelve Days Of Christmas (Lea style)

On the first day of Christmas my true love gave to me
 a spanking over his knee

 On the second day of Christmas my true love gave to me
 Two burning cheeks
 And a spanking over his knee

 On the third day of Christmas my true love gave to me
Three scoldings
 Two burning cheeks
 And a spanking over his knee

 On the fourth day of Christmas my true love gave to me
Four leather straps
Three scoldings
Two burning cheeks
And a spanking over his knee

On the fifth day of Christmas my true love gave to me
Five bars of soap
Four leather straps
Three scoldings
Two burning cheeks
And a spanking over his knee

On the sixth day of Christmas my true love gave to me
Six canes-a-swishing
Five bars of soap
Four leather straps
Three scoldings
Two burning cheeks
And a spanking over his knee

On the seventh day of Christmas my true love gave to me
Seven swats-a-standing
Six canes-a-swishing
Five bars of soap
Four leather straps
Three scoldings
Two burning cheeks
And a spanking over his knee

On the eighth day of Christmas my true love gave to me
Eight belts-a-swinging
Seven swats-a-standing
Six canes-a-swishing
Five bars of soap
Four leather straps
Three scoldings
Two burning cheeks
And a spanking over his knee

On the ninth day of Christmas my true love gave to me
Nine hairbrushes
Eight belts-a-swinging
Seven swats-a-standing
Six canes-a-swishing
Five bars of soap
Four leather straps
Three scoldings
Two burning cheeks
And a spanking over his knee

On the tenth day of Christmas my true love gave to me
Ten tears-a-streaming
Nine hairbrushes
Eight belts-a-swinging
Seven swats-a-standing
Six canes-a-swishing
Five bars of soap
Four leather straps
Three scoldings
Two burning cheeks
And a spanking over his knee

On the eleventh day of Christmas my true love gave to me
Eleven wooden paddles
Ten tears-a-streaming
Nine hairbrushes
Eight belts-a-swinging
Seven swats-a-standing
Six canes-a-swishing
Five bars of soap
Four leather straps
Three scoldings
Two burning cheeks
And a spanking over his knee

On the twelfth day of Christmas my true love gave to me
Twelve minutes in the corner
Eleven wooden paddles
Ten tears-a-streaming
Nine hairbrushes
Eight belts-a-swinging
Seven swats-a-standing
Six canes-a-swishing
Five bars of soap
Four leather straps
Three scoldings
Two burning cheeks
And a spanking over his knee

Spanking Christmas
(to the tune of White Christmas)
 
I'm dreaming of a spanking Christmas
Just like the ones I used to know
Where the tops say "Listen!"
And bottoms glisten
Their heat melting all the snow

I'm dreaming of a spanking Christmas
With every apology card I write
Where the day brings "sorries" and feeling contrite
And a bottom glowing bright

I'm dreaming of a spanking Christmas
A top with a long list in sight
While their day may be merry and bright
My bottom will be burning all night!




Carol Of The Canes
(to the tune of Carol Of The Bells)

Hark! How the canes
Mean wooden canes
All seem to say,
"Run, run away!"
The tops are here
Instilling some fear
To young and old
Meek and the bold

Whiish, Craack! Whiish, Craack!
That's how they smack
With a big swing
Bottoms stinging
One seems to hear
Words not of cheer
From ev'rywhere
Filling the air

Oh how they pound,
Raising the sound,
O'er hill and dale,
Telling their tale,
Gaily they swing,
While people scream,
Words not of cheer,
The tops are here
Ouch, ouch, ouch, ouch, ouch, ouch!
Ouch, ouch, ouch, ouch, ouch, ouch!

On, on they send
On without end
Their awful swing
Bottoms stinging

Swiish, craack, swiish, craack!
 
 

I'll Spank You For Christmas
(to the tune of I'll Be Home For Christmas) 

 I'll spank you for Christmas
You can count on me
 Please set out the straight backed chair
 And be in the corner standing

Christmas Eve will find you
Pulled o'er my knee
I'll spank you for Christmas
  Merry Christmas to lovers of spanking
 
 

Here Comes Mr. Top
(to the tune of Here Comes Santa Claus)

Here comes Mr. Top!
Here comes Mr. Top!
And he's got a cane!
  Ronnie and Bonnie and all the bottoms
try to run out of the way!
He starts swinging, girls are shrieking,
Bottoms burning bright
Hang your head and say your prayers
'Cause Mr. Top comes tonight

Here comes Mr. Top!
Here comes Mr. Top!
And he's got a cane!
He's got a bag full of implements
you won't want to see again!
Strap a'swinging, tears are streaming,
Bottoms try to flee from sight
He is near, cover up your rear,
'Cause Mr. Top comes tonight
 
And for anyone celebrating Hanukkah, I haven't forgotten you!
 


Paddle, Paddle, Paddle
(to the tune of Dreidel, Dreidel, Dreidel)

He has a big old paddle
He made it out of wood
And when he's toppy and ready
I'll quickly learn to be good!

Oh paddle, paddle, paddle
He made you out of wood 
And when he's toppy and ready
I'll quickly learn to be good!

It has an evil body
With holes so short and thin
And when my bottom's tired
I give in and never win!

Oh paddle, paddle, paddle
He made you out of wood
And when he's toppy and ready
I'll quickly learn to be good!

The paddle's never playful
It takes away my grin
He points to the chair and says,
Bend over, let's begin!

Oh paddle, paddle, paddle
He made you out of wood
And when he's toppy and ready
I'll quickly learn to be good!
 
 

12 comments:

Emi Jones said...

WOW!

You did all of that! I am completely impressed and I love that you love Peeps enough to make them your first song!

I love peeps too!
I just got Gingerbread peeps a few days ago.
They are OK, I like just the plain yellow chicks at Easter the best though.. and I like for them to be somewhat stale, or in the freezer... mmmmmm

Anyways, your creativity is amazing! I couldn't think of ONE song let alone as many as you did.

Erica said...

Great collection! I have some catching up to do. :-)

ronnie said...

Great. Love Spanking Christmas. Thanks Lea.

Love,
Ronnie
xx

joeyred51 said...

I wish we had a spanking weekend near Christmas so we could sing your songs.

Well done and so much fun.

Hug,
joey

TL Bucko said...

I'm not sure I want canes a-swishing for Christmas. The spanking I could live with. Great work!

A.S.S. said...

Awesome! Loved 'em all... especially '12 Days.' We've done a few over the years too and had a lot of fun with them.

:)
~Todd and Suzy

Susie said...

Impressive Lea!

Kaelah said...

Impressive collection, Lea! Thanks for sharing. :-)

playful little brat said...

Hahaha, I absolutely love these and will never hear christmas songs the same way again!

Lea said...

@Emi Jones, Thank you! Glad you enjoyed the songs! Gingerbread Peeps are awesome too.

@Erica, You always make great parodies. Eric Idle's Christmas tune popped up on my playlist the other day and I thought of you. :-)

@ronnie, Glad you liked it!

@joey, I do too! Spanking carolers. Who could we visit first? ;-)

@TL Bucko, That is a lot of canes! I don't want that many bars of soap either with what a top would have in mind. :-/

@Todd and Suzy, Thanks for reading! It's so hard to hear a Christmas song and not start changing in your head sometimes.

@Susie, Thanks! Hope you enjoyed!

@Kaelah, Glad you liked it! Now when are you going to write one? ;-)

@playful little brat, That's my goal. Ruining the innocence of Christmas one carol at a time. :-)

Dioneo said...

Beautiful! You are so very talented. "Carol Of The Canes" was my favorite. I could sure hear the chorus singing those lines!

Merry Christmas!

Lea said...

@Dioneo, Thank you! Glad you enjoyed it! I'd love to hear a whole choir doing that.