Sunday, March 3, 2013


I am one of many who have gone through a major separation/life change since getting into the scene. My divorce didn't have anything to do with the scene though. Or did it? I've always felt that was one thing we did right. Once I shared with my ex my feelings about spanking and what I needed/wanted, he really was pretty great about it. It took me a long time to work up to that talk and he was very understanding. It could have gone a lot worse.

He was vanilla and never quite "got it" fully, but he really did try. I'll always give him credit for that. If anything, I think that having something new to explore together made things last longer than they otherwise would have when the relationship was running out of steam. It forced us to communicate a lot more since it brought up hard topics of deep seated needs, compatibility, jealousy. And it made me really take a hard look at myself and what I wanted.

So did the scene directly lead to my relationship ending? No. But I do wonder if the timing hadn't aligned that way, if I hadn't been exploring new things and experiencing new feelings, what would have happened. Would my mind have stayed closed and would I have resigned myself to an empty life? Would I have continued to keep the peace, smile, and stay quiet forever?

It seems a lot of people find themselves here during/after a big life change. Is that purely coincidence? Or does finding ourselves and coming to terms with what we want give us the courage to venture out on a new path, even if it may be a solitary one?

This was a writing I'd posted on my Fetlife recently. I know my readers there and here don't all cross over so wanted to share it here as well. I know not everyone reading here is part of a public kink scene but I'm still curious about your thoughts on this. Was there a particular event in your life that led you to TTWD and made you want to pursue it? If you were/are in a relationship, how has it been affected if at all?


Ami Starsong said...

Hello Lea,

Well, we've only been doing TTWD since last November. So we are practically newbies. It's only this last few weeks that I have openly admitted to being a fledgling spanko. My Starman is still trying to come to terms with it. He enjoys it and wants me to be happy, but he hates bruising me or making me cry. It'll take us a while I think. We are doing it our way. Everyone has similarities but at the same time is different. All I know is that it has brought us much closer together and improved our communication. It's having a big impact on our marriage, in a good way.

I think that it's good to have a change in the way you do things in life. It sets you back on your heels and makes you think. I'm sorry you had a breakup but the people around here are very supportive. I've made some very good blog friends.

Hugs, Ami

Anonymous said...


I did have an event in my life that triggered my entry into the scene. I have found that since my first event, two years ago, I feel closer to my wife and that I have become a better lover for her.


kiwigirliegirl said...

We are who we are from the moment we are born and somehow somewhere no matter how long it takes, eventually we have to be true to ourselves...we cannot permanently deny that. I was in a relationship for 4 years where I denied this side of wasnt what solely ruined the relationship in the end but it take play a part because essentially I couldnt be honest with him (because there was no way in the world he would have accepted or understood it) or myself. My new relationship with my now husband it totally oposite. I am happier now than I have ever was a hard discussion to have with him, but I was true to me...and look at us now. Closer, stronger, more intimate and loving and respectful to each other than I have ever been with anyone else.
Thanks for sharing Lea
hugs kiwi xxx

Lea said...

@Ami, Thank you for your comment. I'm glad that it's had a good impact on your relationship. A willing partner is no small feat.

@joey, I'd be interested to hear that story sometime if you are willing to share it. You and LD are a wonderful couple.

@kiwi, I'm very happy for you and him that it's turned out so well. It really is hard to take those first steps of communication, but with a partner who is open to it it's definitely worth it.

Susie said...

I don't know...but I suspect that you couldn't hold in the longings and even the "growth" forever. That he was accepting was good...but could he have gone where you are now? Hard to know I am sure.

Bobbie Jo said...

I also had a trauma that initiated my coming into the scene. My spanko tendencies were there and they waxed and waned, but I had no idea there was a scene. What triggered me to get involved was the death of my husband. It was so strong I had to do something so I started researching it. I had some before, but decided at that time I didn't want to be involved. Now, there seems to be no turning back.

Kaelah said...

Very thought-provoking questions, Lea!

In my case, becoming part of the spanking scene definitely changed my private life. No because it affected an already existing relationship, though (I was single at the time), but because I met my mate Ludwig through his kinky blog!

I started reading about erotic spanking at a time of (positive) changes which gave me a more positive feeling about my body and about being a woman. I had also stopped taking the contraceptive pill (which I had taken because of medical indications) only a short time earlier and I think it raised my interest in sexual things and was one of the reasons why I started searching the internet for kinky topics.

That was the start of a wonderful and fulfilling journey. And while kink is neither the most important part of my life nor the most important part of my relationship with Ludwig, I don't think I would want to live without it any more! :-)

Brooke said...

Very interesting question. I always wonder what led me to the interest in ttwd, and I can't pinpoint it to anything. This post has me questioning it yet again though and now I really want to come up with answer lol.

Lea said...

@Susie, Yes it is hard to know. Interesting to think about though. Thanks for stopping by.

@Bobbie Jo, I'm very sorry to hear about your husband. It seems many of us found this upon a major change.

@Kaelah, The story of how you and Ludwig got together is amazing. I'm so glad that blogging and the link of spanking could lead to such a great thing.

@Brooke, My interest seems nearly lifelong, but acting on it is a different story. If you think of something you should turn it into your own post. ;-)