Thursday, October 11, 2012

30 Ways To Disarm A Top

The theme for this coming SCONY Mountain Weekend is Harry Potter. I have never watched the movies much less read the books, so the countdown was a bit more difficult this time. I send out a daily 30 day countdown to the weekend and have done so for the last few weekends.

It's funny looking at my T-mobile bill because the average month will have about 2000 texts and the month leading up to my trips are 4000+. Lol. Thank goodness for unlimited texting. The theme a few friends helped me decide on this time and gave me a lot of material for was 30 Ways To Disarm A Top. It incorporates some spells from Harry Potter, plus a few I just completely made up. Enjoy!

30 Ways To Disarm A Top

#30- Expelliarmus- Makes whatever is in the top's hand fly out
#29- Accio- Lets you summon something to distract the top while you get away
#28- Impedementa- Stops something/someone in it's tracks
#27- Incarcerous- Causes ropes to shoot from your wand and ties up the top
#26- Locomotor Mortis- Locks the top's legs together so they can't do anything but hop
#25- Disapparate- Lets you disappear from one place and reappear in another. (I think Mr. Ryder already has this power too, though. He's so quiet.)
#24- Aguamenti- Shoots water to blind the top
#23- Jelly-Legs Jinx- The top will wobble around unable to stand, much less pull one over their knee
#22- Protego- Shield charm that will protect your bottom from blows
#21- Wingardium Leviosa- Makes the top float away toward the ceiling (Yeah, this brings to mind vultures circling overhead. Maybe not the best idea.)
#20- Piertotum Locomotor- Brings inanimate objects to life so you can turn the paddle against THEM
#19- Petrificus Totalus- Temporarily petrifies the top
#18- Levicorpus- Dangles the top upside down by their ankle
#17- Evanesco- Makes an implement disappear
#16- Rictusempra- Tickling charm causes the top to gasp for breath and laugh hysterically
#15- Alohomora- Opens locks, like the one on the woodshed. Then go in and hide!
#14- Colloportus- Locks the lock again, so the top can't get in!
#13- Confundo- Confuses the top at whom the spell is cast. Yeah.. not really needed, but fun anyway!
#12- Expulso- Makes things- like implements- explode!
#11- Imperio- Controls the top you put the curse on. Maybe get revenge on who threw YOU under the bus!
#10- Noodliarmus- Renders the top's arm wimpy
#9- Glisseo- Causes stairs to form a ramp or slide; useful when you are sent to Room 10. Tops can't climb up slides, they just can't.
#8- Shaddup Toppus- Silences the top. It can happen, really!
#7- Occlumency- Prevents mind reading tops from discovering thoughts or memories which contradict one's spoken words or actions.
#6- Television Baseballus- Turns on a baseball game in the other room. They'll be occupied all night!
#5- Toppus Snorus- Will make the top fall into a deep slumber
#4- Polyjuice potion- Drink this to turn into someone else. "Whaddaya kidding me with that?"
#3- Armus Removero- Makes the top's arms fall off
#2- Obliviate- Erases the top's memory so they forget why they were going to spank you at all
#1- Toppus Obliteratus- Makes the top disappear

That's the list, folks! Use at your own risk! I will be sure to report my findings if I'm feeling crazy enough to try any of these over the course of the weekend. I should be arriving at JFK by the time this is being read and I'm sure I'll return with many stories. See everybody next week!

12 comments:

joeyred51 said...

Thanks for making the countdown so much fun.

Hug,
joey

Emen said...

Brilliantly funny! I am wondering if you're putting even more thought into this since you've Topped. Hmmmm?

Erica said...

This is fabulous! I laughed so hard! Damn, you're smart, girl.

Have a wonderful party weekend. :-)

SpankCake said...

LOL, Lea!!

So clever... I'd love to hear the bottoms try to cast some of those spells with a ball gag, or is there a spell for that as well? :)

xo,
SC

SNP said...

Have a great weekend Lea!

SublimeWifey said...

I could be wrong here Lea, but from what you've said in previous posts, "Obliviate- Erases the top's memory so they forget why they were going to spank you at all" wouldn't work very well because most tops don't need much of a reason.

Why did the top spank the bottom? Because s/he was there. :-)

ronnie said...

So funny.

Have a wonderful weekend and be careful you don't injure your fingers again.

Love,
Ronnie
xx

Susie said...

I feel like I should have had a leg up on this topic, considering the name of my blog...but nope, these were new to me. LOL...have a fun weekend Lea!

Anonymous said...

Love these, Can't wait to read all about how well they worked.
Jean

Lea said...

@joey, I think it shaped up nicely coming from someone who has never watched HP. Of course I had a lot of help. ;-)

@Emen, Nah, I don't think so. Tops are still the enemy!

@Erica, I had a lot of help, but I was proud of "Toppus Snorus." ;-)

@SpankCake, There were no ball gags seen. Not where I was anyway. Lol.

@SNP, Thanks! It was great and more stories to come on that!

@SublimeWifey, Now that is exactly what the tops said. "Since when do we need a reason?" Which side are you on here? ;-)

@ronnie, Thank you. My fingers were safe this time!

@Susie, I've never read the books or seen the movies but had a lot of help. Glad you liked it!

@Jean, I will have to ask around if anyone tried to say them. I ended up having some sense of self preservation after all.

Ana said...

*giggle*

All very good spells to use, but I'm afraid they probably didn't work too well.

Lea said...

@Ana, I never did try. Don't want to hurt a top's ego by making them feel stupid when I'm successful. I'll play their game...