Thursday, October 11, 2012

30 Ways To Disarm A Top

The theme for this coming SCONY Mountain Weekend is Harry Potter. I have never watched the movies much less read the books, so the countdown was a bit more difficult this time. I send out a daily 30 day countdown to the weekend and have done so for the last few weekends.

It's funny looking at my T-mobile bill because the average month will have about 2000 texts and the month leading up to my trips are 4000+. Lol. Thank goodness for unlimited texting. The theme a few friends helped me decide on this time and gave me a lot of material for was 30 Ways To Disarm A Top. It incorporates some spells from Harry Potter, plus a few I just completely made up. Enjoy!

30 Ways To Disarm A Top

#30- Expelliarmus- Makes whatever is in the top's hand fly out
#29- Accio- Lets you summon something to distract the top while you get away
#28- Impedementa- Stops something/someone in it's tracks
#27- Incarcerous- Causes ropes to shoot from your wand and ties up the top
#26- Locomotor Mortis- Locks the top's legs together so they can't do anything but hop
#25- Disapparate- Lets you disappear from one place and reappear in another. (I think Mr. Ryder already has this power too, though. He's so quiet.)
#24- Aguamenti- Shoots water to blind the top
#23- Jelly-Legs Jinx- The top will wobble around unable to stand, much less pull one over their knee
#22- Protego- Shield charm that will protect your bottom from blows
#21- Wingardium Leviosa- Makes the top float away toward the ceiling (Yeah, this brings to mind vultures circling overhead. Maybe not the best idea.)
#20- Piertotum Locomotor- Brings inanimate objects to life so you can turn the paddle against THEM
#19- Petrificus Totalus- Temporarily petrifies the top
#18- Levicorpus- Dangles the top upside down by their ankle
#17- Evanesco- Makes an implement disappear
#16- Rictusempra- Tickling charm causes the top to gasp for breath and laugh hysterically
#15- Alohomora- Opens locks, like the one on the woodshed. Then go in and hide!
#14- Colloportus- Locks the lock again, so the top can't get in!
#13- Confundo- Confuses the top at whom the spell is cast. Yeah.. not really needed, but fun anyway!
#12- Expulso- Makes things- like implements- explode!
#11- Imperio- Controls the top you put the curse on. Maybe get revenge on who threw YOU under the bus!
#10- Noodliarmus- Renders the top's arm wimpy
#9- Glisseo- Causes stairs to form a ramp or slide; useful when you are sent to Room 10. Tops can't climb up slides, they just can't.
#8- Shaddup Toppus- Silences the top. It can happen, really!
#7- Occlumency- Prevents mind reading tops from discovering thoughts or memories which contradict one's spoken words or actions.
#6- Television Baseballus- Turns on a baseball game in the other room. They'll be occupied all night!
#5- Toppus Snorus- Will make the top fall into a deep slumber
#4- Polyjuice potion- Drink this to turn into someone else. "Whaddaya kidding me with that?"
#3- Armus Removero- Makes the top's arms fall off
#2- Obliviate- Erases the top's memory so they forget why they were going to spank you at all
#1- Toppus Obliteratus- Makes the top disappear

That's the list, folks! Use at your own risk! I will be sure to report my findings if I'm feeling crazy enough to try any of these over the course of the weekend. I should be arriving at JFK by the time this is being read and I'm sure I'll return with many stories. See everybody next week!


Anonymous said...

Thanks for making the countdown so much fun.


Emen said...

Brilliantly funny! I am wondering if you're putting even more thought into this since you've Topped. Hmmmm?

Erica said...

This is fabulous! I laughed so hard! Damn, you're smart, girl.

Have a wonderful party weekend. :-)

SpankCake said...

LOL, Lea!!

So clever... I'd love to hear the bottoms try to cast some of those spells with a ball gag, or is there a spell for that as well? :)


SNP said...

Have a great weekend Lea!

SublimeWifey said...

I could be wrong here Lea, but from what you've said in previous posts, "Obliviate- Erases the top's memory so they forget why they were going to spank you at all" wouldn't work very well because most tops don't need much of a reason.

Why did the top spank the bottom? Because s/he was there. :-)

ronnie said...

So funny.

Have a wonderful weekend and be careful you don't injure your fingers again.


Susie said...

I feel like I should have had a leg up on this topic, considering the name of my blog...but nope, these were new to me. LOL...have a fun weekend Lea!

Anonymous said...

Love these, Can't wait to read all about how well they worked.

Lea said...

@joey, I think it shaped up nicely coming from someone who has never watched HP. Of course I had a lot of help. ;-)

@Emen, Nah, I don't think so. Tops are still the enemy!

@Erica, I had a lot of help, but I was proud of "Toppus Snorus." ;-)

@SpankCake, There were no ball gags seen. Not where I was anyway. Lol.

@SNP, Thanks! It was great and more stories to come on that!

@SublimeWifey, Now that is exactly what the tops said. "Since when do we need a reason?" Which side are you on here? ;-)

@ronnie, Thank you. My fingers were safe this time!

@Susie, I've never read the books or seen the movies but had a lot of help. Glad you liked it!

@Jean, I will have to ask around if anyone tried to say them. I ended up having some sense of self preservation after all.

Ana said...


All very good spells to use, but I'm afraid they probably didn't work too well.

Lea said...

@Ana, I never did try. Don't want to hurt a top's ego by making them feel stupid when I'm successful. I'll play their game...