Thursday, May 31, 2012

Dear Top

For the tops

Dear Top,

I know that I can be a handful. Stubborn, frustrating even. I give mixed signals at times. I tell you what I wish for you to do but then when you do it I react indignantly. I constantly change my mind about what I want and am maddeningly indecisive. You give me an inch and I want a mile. I push and push until I've gone far over the edge. 

But I need you to push back. Sometimes I have to test that you're still with me. That this isn't just a silly thing all in my head. I know it's not easy for you to fight me. To watch me burn holes through that corner with my glare after you've told me to stand there. To hear me cry No more although my tearful eyes are pleading with you to go on. 

I used to scoff when I heard "This hurts me more than it hurts you," but I believe that sometimes it does. I tease you endlessly and tell you how mean you are. But we both know that you are not. That can be our little secret. I know that you do this because you care. Because you want what is best for me. You follow through even when I'm kicking and screaming because you know I need you to.

I'm sorry that I can make it so hard. I do truly appreciate all that you do. Thank you for caring enough to push back. Thank you for making me stop and think sometimes. Thank you for giving me what I need, even when it's not what I want. Being a top is a tough job, but someone's gotta do it. Thank you for being that someone.




Anonymous said...


Thank you for describing with such elegant prose how we feel as bottoms about the caring discipline we receive. However, I respectfully say that I have never, ever thought that a spanking hurt the top more than me.

Very well said,


Margaret Davis said...

Very nice post. If you want to be the BEST bottom ever I always suggest you take a few turns at topping. (I hear you whining already). Every top wants to be the one who makes people smile and we try very hard to please. For the most part you are are not one of the people that gives mixed signals. In fact, you're pretty clear about everything. xx


Emen said...

Great post. With all due respect to Ms.Magaret, who I only recently discovered and who is delightful, and there's no need to remind me I'm so far out of the loop I don't know what a loop looks like, with all due respect I don't know if you have to top to be a good bottom. I've looked for top in me, it's not there. And while there's no doubt that as a bottom there are times when I just want to be taken in good hand and zone, at this time in my life what I really want is the partnership. I think great tops and great bottoms are always sort of channeling each other. No matter if the structure is classic top/bottom the partnership is to take them together to a place they couldn't reach on their own. I want to own every bit of what I'm feeling but I want my top to know that I feel me and I want to feel he/she. Him/her. Glub glub blah blah trying to write this on phone.

To my RL top and my virtual top. You are brilliant, funny, inventive, imaginative, stern, silly, caring genius. Thank you. And thank you Lea for reminding me.

Erica said...

Ms. Margaret, you know I love ya, but we will agree to disagree here. I don't believe I need to experience topping to be a better bottom, any more than I need my tops to experience bottoming. It's about the individual's ability to read others and finding that delicate balance between compassion and strictness. And for the bottom, it's about learning when enough is enough, which is often more common sense than anything else. Oh, and mutual respect, underneath all the banter.

Lea, this is lovely. We give tops a lot of guff, but we sure do love them, don't we? :-)

Anonymous said...


As you know, I only recently started to top thanks to the influence of Mr. L. I agree with Ms. Margaret. My limited topping experience has had a profound influence on my perspective.

Also, my experience as a bottom has helped me as a top.


bobbsroom said...

I found this quite moving and got a little emotional. A few ladies i know switch but others are just submissive because topping just does not work for them and never will. I could never bottom it is not in my psyche and i don’t think i need to experience it, i know what i am putting them under me through. They might need it, crave it or just love every minute of it, i think it is up to me to try and understand their needs and act accordingly. It might be a light spanking to relax or titillate or a heavy punishment spanking ending with a very solid caning i try to judge and monitor what i am doing and please both parties. It’s about respect and respecting limits. I will never know how your minds work and if i put myself through it i still would not know, your minds and bodies work completely different but i do know i could not live without you all, people i meet and people i will never meet. Thanks lea, a fantastic four paragraphs.

Take care everyone

Have a good weekend


Lea said...

@joey, Well, it hurts in a different way. ;-) I enjoy hearing your perspective from both sides of things.

@Ms. Margaret, Thank you for your comment. Whine? Me?? Lol. I can see how that would give a different perspective. I certainly appreciate what tops do regardless. xoxo

@Emen, "..the partnership is to take them together to a place they couldn't reach on their own." I love this. Thank you.

@Erica, Those are all things that can make a good top or bottom. We certainly do love them. I always say, "I tease because I care." ;-)

@Bob, Understanding one's needs and respecting limits is definitely a big thing in all of this. Thanks for adding your thoughts.

Susie said...

Heh! It's always interesting how a post and then the comments take on a whole life of their own and create quite a discussion.

I enjoyed this Lea. Remembering to appreciate how hard it is to read us is important. I take it for granted and ought not.

playful little brat said...

Well said! Tops do have a great responsibility and i'm sure it can be a struggle for them at times to deal with us bottoms! Really liked reading this one.

Anonymous said...

This makes me want to write a general "Dear Top" letter of my own. Do you think you might be willing to create a thread in one of the forums on Fetlife? I think "Spank You Very Much" would be a natural fit for this. I'd do it myself, but that would be stealing & stealing is wrong.

I'd be interested in seeing what kind of letters people would write & whether it would spark any Tops to start a "Dear Bottom" thread.

It's just a suggestion. No pressure.


lil said...

This is an awesome post. It says everything that so many of us should say but rarely do.

Bratty Adaline said...

I agree so much with playful little brat! (Perhaps us brats are just like minded?) This post really rings true for me.

I can top but it doesn't give me as much pleasure as being on the bottom. MDK lets me top but as I've found on more than one occasion he is simply allowing me to.

Very nice post and great discussion. It's so very very true.
Have a great weekend.

Lea said...

@Susie, And we are SO hard to read sometimes, aren't we? Don't want to make it too easy for them. ;-)

@playful little brat, It is a great responsibility. Wait, now I'm thinking of Spiderman quotes...

@Regan, Not all the forum posters are exactly err.. eloquent, but I can post it. See if it takes off.

@lil, Glad you enjoyed reading it! Thanks for commenting!

@Bratty Adaline, Welcome to the blog! Thank you for sharing your opinion!