Sunday, May 20, 2012

Evolution Inevitable?

There was a good brunch discussion over at Bonnie's last week. The topic was the idea of spanking being a kind of "gateway drug" for other forms of BDSM. There were a lot of interesting responses to it if you read through the post linked above. This is something I've heard a lot of different takes on and have thought about myself. In short, my answer is no. I don't believe that spanking has to lead the way to any other activities.

I'll explain why I feel that way. And I'm just talking about my personal take on it and how this all works for me. I consider myself a spanko. It has been my primary "kink" or interest for about as long as I can remember. There are a million different ways to do things within the realm of spanking. We all have our own interests and preferences with everything from implements and positions to types of spankings and individual headspaces. Spanking is an activity, part of a lifestyle for some, in it's own right.

Does that mean I've never changed my mind about something or tried new things I didn't think I would? No. I have. I've found things that I really enjoyed and also found what I didn't wish to do again. But if an initial spark of interest wasn't already there, I wouldn't have tried it. The world of spanking may more easily expose one to all sorts of other things, but that doesn't mean you want to do them all. I hate the saying "don't knock it til you've tried it." I don't need to be stabbed in the arm with scissors to know it'll hurt.

I've attended parties as part of a spanking group and I've attended BDSM events. It's like comparing apples to oranges. Nothing is wrong with one or the other, it's just different. I've seen people suspended from the ceiling with rope. While I can observe the intricacy of these scenes and how beautiful it can be, does that mean I want to participate in it? No. I like chocolate and I like peanut butter and I like them both together. But there are people out there who hate Reese's. You are who you are and you like what you like.

There are no kink Olympics. Not that I'm aware of anyway. Lol. I don't do what I do to prepare for anything else. I'm not training with spanking to work my way up to some other activity. If something else interests me, then maybe I'll try it. But I don't feel like I'm required to experiment with anything and everything in an effort to reach some end goal. There are no kinkster merit badges to be attained. Pandora  may disagree. ;-) This thing may be a journey, but there's no obligation to try different paths if you like the one you are on.

I think it's wonderful that there's so much variety in the world of kink. It's interesting to learn more about what other people do, even if I don't wish to participate in it myself. If you like doing one thing, great. If you like doing 20 different things, great. Do what you want to do. Play on. If someone wants to sit and eat their chocolate ice cream in peace, don't try to shove butter pecan at them.


playful little brat said...

Interesting post, and I agree with how certain things are just like comparing apples and oranges. I've come to realize there really is no right or wrong when it comes to personal interests within spanking/bdsm, it's just kind of to each their own. Great post!

Anonymous said...


I always thought that spanking was the gateway drug that led to your fetish for peeps.

I do like other BDSM activities besides spanking , but I am also a morning person and enjoy vegetables.

Great post,


PS I missed you at the party last night.

BlackVelvet007 said...

I'd concur with your assessment. I've been in the spanking community for 18 years and I've known several people who felt no need to "evolve" into anything other than spankos. We're like that Pikachu from Pokemon, we're not gonna evolve no matter how much experience we build up.

Emen said...

I can't say it better than joeyred51. That was too good. Snortpeepsmorningvegtables. But I completely agree. Spank hasn't led me anywhere but Spank, with all its myriad variations. But the more my world opens to things, like BDSM, the richer my fantasies. If it just belongs in my fantasies that's where it should stay. All good, win win.

Great post.

Ana said...

Ha, kink Olympics. That is great. :) I personally agree with you, and I especially agree about not knocking what other people do.

Slightly off-topic but regarding the food tastes: I always adored peanut butter flavor and mint flavor (not together) chocolate chip ice cream, peanut butter cookies, etc. So I was very surprised when I lived somewhere else and and a lot of people told me that mint in food was gross and tasted like toothpaste. Also, I couldn't find peanut butter sold in grocery stores. It made me realize just how much what we like is determined by what we see and what we are comfortable with.

Happy kinking.

Lea said...

@playful little brat, Yep, to each their own is a good motto.

@joey, LOL, I liked Peeps long before I admitted I was a spanko. And despite our differences, I like you anyway. ;-)

@BlackVelvet007, A Pokemon reference? ;-) We like what we like!

@Emen, I think some things are better left as fantasies. Trying to act it out just won't be as good.

@Ana, I like mint stuff too. No peanut butter? What a crazy place!

Erica said...

I'm with you. For me, spanking isn't a gateway. It's the way, period. The way to all kinds of fun, fulfillment and bliss.

Some people feel like everything has to lead to something else. Why can't something just BE? Granted, there are lots of different fetish activities out there to try, and I have tried several. But I don't feel somehow unfulfilled because I'm "just a spanko."

Dee said...

I read Bonnie's post with interest. So many different comments that got me thinking.
For me, I think after having finally been able to confess my spanking fantasies, it's led to a certain confidence in being able to also confess to 'other' things. But to me this is just experimentation with someone I trust these desires with. But would I have experimented to such an extent if I hadn't first experimented with spanking? I really don't know tbh, but spanking would always be top of my list :)

Dee x

Lea said...

This can be true, and it can not; like you said, its really a personal thing.

"Your kink is not my kink" and all that. Some things people will like regardless and some things they wont.

Sometimes people will be open to trying new things because of past experiences.

I think I'm becoming a spanko. I started out strictly D/s, but Sir and I are coming to find more and more that we like spanking. I don't think we would have gotten there without D/s, so maybe the reverse can be true as well...

Just cause it's true for one doesn't mean its true for all!

Lea said...

@Erica, Exactly. None of us are "just" anything.

@Dee, Welcome and thanks for commenting! Being able to experiment with someone you trust is a great thing!

@Lea, That's really interesting. I guess it's sort of like what came first- the chicken or the egg?

Anonymous said...

Very well said Lea, i agree whole heartedly with you.
Love and hugs Kiwi xxxx

Lea said...

@Kiwi, Good to see you back!